The Best Quotes From Cult Comedy Spaced

Cult comedy Spaced might have ended 15 years ago, but it still holds a very special place in many people’s hearts; people who’ve gone on the piss in Camden, staged their own versions of Robot Wars and who like bogling to Aswad, but people nonetheless. Here are the funniest quotes from the Simon Pegg and Jessica Stevenson penned show. Tim and Daisy forever.

Daisy: Do you want another cup of tea?
Tim: Ooh, no thanks, twelve’s my limit.
(SERIES 1, EP 1)

Advertisement

Marsha: She’s not a teenager, she’s the devil in an A-cup!
(SERIES 1, EP 2)

Tim: What’s the deal with you and Marsha?
Brian: You know about the deal?
(SERIES 1, EP 2)

Daisy: Right, I’m going to the shops. D’you want anything?
Tim: Porn.
Daisy: Tim, I’m not going to buy you porn. You can get it from railway sidings like everybody else.
Tim: I can’t, I’m an adult. I’m supposed to leave it there.
(SERIES 1, EP 3)

Brian: Do you think I should lose the waistcoat?
Tim: I think you should burn it. Because if you lose it, you might find it again.
(SERIES 1, EP 3)

Duane: You know what they say about love and war.
Tim: Yeah, one involves a lot of physical and psychological pain and the other one’s war.
(SERIES 1, EP 4)

Duane: See, Tim, that’s the difference between you and I. Organisation. Careful thinking. Forward planning. And that is why I sleep in the arms of a beautiful woman and you spend your evenings alone in your bedsit. With cheap porn.
Tim: It’s not a bedsit. It’s a flat.
(SERIES 1, EP 4)

Advertisement

Brian: Can I borrow a tea bag?
Tim: Only if you give it back.
(SERIES 1, EP 4)

Tim: I mean, it’s a fact, sure as day follows night, sure as eggs is eggs, sure as every odd-numbered Star Trek movie is shit.
(SERIES 1, EP 5)

Tim: Oh my god… I’ve got some fucking Jaffa Cakes in my coat pocket!
(SERIES 1, EP 5)

Bilbo Bagshot: I used to know this guy, Minty. He had a dog who he’d train to attack rich people. He was into the whole class-war thing. He called the dog Gramsci after an Italian Marxist. Rumour has it, it could smell wealth from up to 20 feet. The thing is, it all backfired. Minty won 100 grand on a scratchcard and Gramsci bit his knees off.
Tim: That’s terrible.
Bilbo Bagshot: Not really. He used the money to buy new knees.
(SERIES 1, EP 5)

Tyres: Last night was an A-1, tip top clubbing jam fair. It was a sandwich of fun on ecstacy bread, wrapped up in a big bag like disco fudge. It doesn’t get much better than that, I just wish sometimes I could control these FUCKING MOOD SWINGS!
(SERIES 1, EP 6)

Mike: [Thinking] I’m Andy McNab, I’m Andy McNab, I’m Andy McNab, I’m Andie MacDowell – ohhh…
(SERIES 1, EP 7)

Mike: In 1994 while on weekend manoeuvres in France, I commandeered a Chieftain tank without the permission of my immediate superiors. I then attempted to invade Paris. However, en route I stopped off at Disneyland Paris, or EuroDisney as it was then called, and was subsequently apprehended on Space Mountain.
TA Officer: Do you have any explanation as to why you might have done this?
Mike: Well sir, at the time, I was suffering from serious emotional problems that had clearly affected my judgement. I had immersed myself in a fantasy world of my own creation and as a result I became very insular and uncommunicative.
TA Officer: Why do you think that was?
Mike: [Shrugs] I dunno.
(SERIES 1, EP 7)

Mike: I’m off to point the pink pistol at the porcelain firing range.
(SERIES 2, EP 1)

Twist: So, don’t forget to wash your sheets…
Brian: Right.
Twist:… and your penis.
(SERIES 2, EP 2)

Bilbo Bagshot: What about the Ewoks eh? They were rubbish. You don’t complain about them.
Tim: Yeah but Jar Jar Binks makes the Ewoks look like… fuckin’… Shaft.
(SERIES 2, EP 2)

Robot Club Leader: Gentlemen, welcome to Robot Club. The first rule of Robot Club is, you do not talk about about Robot Club. The second rule of Robot Club is, YOU DO NOT TALK ABOUT Ro… wait, I… got that wrong. [Unfolding a crumpled up piece of paper and pushing up his glasses] The second rule is, no smoking.
(SERIES 2, EP 3)

Twist: Oh, and have sex! That’s all you want to do, I’m not just here for one thing! Why can’t you see me as a whole?
Brian: I do.
Twist: A whole Brian, with a ‘w’!
Brian: Oh.
(SERIES 2, EP 4)

Tim: You got anything special planned for today?
Daisy: I have got a bit of a project, actually. I’m going to be as inactive as I can in order to really get into the psyche of someone unemployed, not just vocationally but cerebrally, to see if the predicament of enforced passivity exacerbates itself. You know, does inactivity breed laziness?
Tim: Are you going to write an article about it?
Daisy: No, I can’t be bothered.
(SERIES 2, EP 4)

Advertisement
Advertisement