Stalaggh – The Most Extreme (And Unlistenable) Band Ever?

Our blog on the 20 loudest tracks ever generated some interesting responses, not least an intriguing tip-off from a chap calling himself Mental.

Mr Mental (Wayne Mental to his mum) reckons the loudest band of all time are Dutch extreme-metal noise-maniacs Stellagh – and he may have a point.

Stalaggh’s USP is that they (supposedly) recruit genuine mental patients to record their vocals, which consist entirely of eardrum-lacerating screams. One of their guest ‘singers’ was apparently locked away after stabbing his own mother 30 times. Which seems a long-winded way of going about things. Why not just get Richard Hawley in?

According to the band’s Myspace manifesto, Stalaggh “truly represents the total annihilation of all human life.” And there was me thinking that was N-Dubz.

Now, before we get all point-and-laugh over this, we should acknowledge that, beneath the childish shock tactics, there are some pretty sickening politics at work here. A ‘stalag’ is a Nazi concentration camp. The extra G and H stand for global holocaust.

Following the same principle, the band soon plan to launch a new project, Gullaggh. If they keep sliding down the genocide scale, presumably eventually they’ll end up at Butlinsgh.

Stallaggh are, quite clearly, a bunch of berks. They might even be an elaborate spoof. But in terms of sheer, gut-rumbling, parent-worrying, vomit-inducing noise, you’ve got to admit they possess a certain elan.