What are you doing on July 26th? That’s right, you’re going to Thorpe Park with Stormzy. The ‘Shut Up’ rapper has invited us all to celebrate his 23rd birthday with a trip to the Surrey theme park. All he asks is that you bring “good vibes and packed lunch and speakers”. Come on now, don’t act you’re holding out for a better offer – it simply does not exist.
It started in quite a low-key way
Which piqued the interest of his fans
And things escalated from there
Which seems to have given Stormzy pre-party jitters
Though he soon got excited again
Even if he did add a caveat
Sorry, lil jars, you’re not invited.
But at least Thorpe Park are down with the idea
And it’s easy to see why Stormzy’s so into it
July 23: the height of summer. Your knees are wobbly from your third ride of the day on Stealth, having been rocketed 205ft in less than two seconds at 80mph. But you’re okay; Stormzy has put an arm around you and you’re more deeply happy than ever. What a legend he is. The man deserves a knighthood, or at least a hot chocolate and a panini to go.