And to think, in a different universe it could’ve been Andy Serkis as Bubbles the chimp up against Tom Hanks’ deranged Reagan and Jamie Foxx’s seminal Tupac for the Best Actor Oscar next year.
Every year Hollywood releases the Black List, a longlist of the best unproduced screenplays floating around the movie circuit, many of which end up making it to the big screen and even winning major awards – the likes of Slumdog Millionaire and The King’s Speech are former Black List screenplays. Here are ten of the best almost-movies from this year’s list.
Narrated by the titular character himself, Bubbles would have told the story of the scandals and successes of Michael Jackson’s career through the eyes of his adopted chimpanzee. A kind of monkey-on-the-wall expose flick, if you will.
Not a harrowing police drama in which a cop on his last day on the force has to track down a louche junkie driving erratically around Whitechapel, but something a little more Assange. The Head of the French National Assembly, accused of sexual assault, is placed under house arrest with his estranged wife. Kate Moss to star?
Quick pitch: “On the moon, five teens take an unauthorized and adventure-filled road trip, just before one of them is to be sent away on a seventy-five year journey to another planet, leaving behind his best friends.” That’s a moving coming-of-age road trip movie. On the moon.
So Ronald Reagan gets dementia during his second term in office in the 1980s and an intern decided to prank him by convincing him he’s still an actor and just playing the part of the President in a movie. With hilarious – and possibly thermonuclear – consequences.
A teenage boy with “special abilities” is on the run for killing his father. Okay, so far so Bourne, but what are these “special abilities”? An invisible pancreas? Telepathic control over gnats? You’re asking for hundreds of millions of dollars here, what are the frickin’ abilities?
MOVE THAT BODY
A severe case of title-before-movie, Move That Body concerns the efforts of five friends in a Miami beach house to hide the remains of a dead male stripper. Next week: Monkey Tennis: Apocalypse.
Based on the book by Randall Sullivan, Labyrinth follows investigation into the murders of Tupac Shakur and Notorious BIG. Green light from us.
Scared of clowns? Look behind you! There’s a murderous carnival knife-thrower slaughtering his way through the crime syndicate that murdered his sister! The tough part, we presume, is convincing them to let him tie them to a revolving wheel.
UNTITLED LARRY HILLBLOM PROJECT
This as-yet-untitled film promises to expose the “strange-but-true” revelations behind the will of Larry Lee Hillblom, the founder of parcel delivery company DHL. We’ve got a title for it. It’s called Next!.
After 20 years in a coma, a high school cheerleader wakes up as a 37-year-old woman, and still tries to become prom queen. Zach Galifianakis to star?