The Best Valentine’s – And Anti-Valentine’s – Music

Ah, Valentine’s day. The only day, according to American cinema, when you can get away with burning messages such as ‘PROM?’ into your love interest’s garden. Agricultural nightmares aside, though. the annual schmaltzfest is here again, and love it or hate it you can’t avoid it. With just a week left until Feb 14th we’ve put together a few tunes in a playlist that conveniently doubles as a last minute gift.

So get a blank CD and some felt tip pens and go to town on the cover art. There’s a longer playlist on Spotify with suggestions from fellow Twitter users too.

Stevie Wonder – ‘Signed, Sealed, Delivered (I’m Yours)’
Just call Stevie the postman of love. Yes, even Mr. Wonder can turn humdrum stationery into an aphrodisiac and the man always delivers (except for bank holidays).

Hot Chip – ‘Sexual Healing’

The original I.T. crowd show that if you dabble with enough synths you too can get the opposite sex to fire your fox. On a scale of 1 to hot this is jalapeno.

Hall & Oates – ‘You Make My Dreams Come True’

If Hall & Oates don’t make your dreams come true then I’m not sure what will. Play this to your significant other, accompanied with Carlton Banks-esque dance moves, and you’re onto a winner.

Talking Heads – ‘Uh Oh, Love Comes To Town’

Yes it has. First stop anxiety, then slowly making its way towards panic attack central and finally calling in at ‘the fear’. All aboard the nausea express.

Adam Sandler – ‘I Wanna Grow Old With You’

If movies teaches us anything it’s that hijacking planes with music is the only way to win over somebody’s heart. Yes it’s schmaltzy but a Billy Idol cameo says you can cry whilst maintaining your manhood.

What are your own top five Valentine’s tunes? And, if the current wave of PDA is proving too much for you this year, here’s a couple of anti-Valentine’s classics organised by the various states of relationship breakdown – stream the full playlist on Spotify.

Denial: Bright eyes – ‘It’s Cool, We Can Still Be Friends’

Denial will probably tell you that you can be friends with your ex after the ‘event’. However this is absurd. The alternative title for this song really should be: it’s not cool, we can’t be friends, who gave you this number?

Anger: Ben Folds Five – ‘Song For the Dumped’

Instead of airing your dirty laundry in an Eamon and Frankee style backlash why not leave Youtube out of this year? Why not shout about your laundry at home like Ben Folds Five used to do?

More anger: Kelis- ‘Caught Out There’

Pre-‘Milkshake’ days it wasn’t all peaches and cream for Kelis. If you feel the need to hurl abuse at your ex, bile doesn’t come much more direct and effective than “I hate you so much right now”.

Depression: Magnetic Fields – ‘I Don’t Want To Get Over You’

The Magnetic Fields are the best for anything melancholy and a fitting replacement if your copy of The Bell Jar needs to be wrung dry this year.

Acceptance: The Smiths – ‘I Know It’s Over’

And now for the final stage of the moving-on process. We’ve slumped, shouted and cried; now it’s time to, collectively, use The Smiths to get-over that piss-kidney.

Add your own top five Valentine’s and anti-Valentine’s playlists below.