What do the Grammys have against us, the good people of the internet?
Many great things have come from the recently unveiled 2016 Grammy nominations, with Taylor Swift picking up seven nominations for her stellar fifth album ‘1989’ (it came out late last year but is eligible because it slots into the cut-off dates between October 1 2014 and September 30 2015), which is the same number of Grammys currently on display in her downstairs loo. Meanwhile Kendrick Lamar’s up for a staggering 11 gongs for his blistering album ‘To Pimp A Butterfly’ and Swedish songwriting powerhouse Max Martin (who co-wrote The Weeknd’s ‘Can’t Feel My Face’, among an endless array of other hits) could walk away with six awards.
But the real loser here is the internet. The stuff that got us meme-ing, reblogging and hearting is ignored, cast aside into the online abyss, to the second page of Google, to the YouTube comments section.
Hotline Bling Is Left Hanging
Now, this is possibly because the video for Drake’s jaunty and only vaguely chauvinistic ‘Hotline Bling’ – which chastises an ex for going out and having fun when, in the good old days, she used to sit patiently at home and wait for Drizzy to roll in from the club – was released after the cut-off date, on October 19. It was arguably the video that made it a success. Still, given that the single was released on July 31, you’d think it would at least get a hat-tip, eh?
We’re Gonna Let You Finish, But…
A record-breaking stream-athon, the Kanye West, Rihanna and Paul McCartney collaboration ‘FourFiveSeconds’ was reportedly the fastest-ever song to reach 100m Spotify streams (in 53 days) but do the Grammys have love for the folky pop song? Apparently not – Kanye’s ‘All Day’ is up for Best Rap Performance but ‘FourFiveSeconds’ hasn’t a single nomination.
A Billion YouTube Views Mean Nothing
‘Uptown Funk’ by Mark Ronson and Bruno Mars: quite a popular video. It broke a billion YouTube views this year – joining a rarefied club in which Psy sits atop an invisible horse – and won an MTV Award, but that means nothing to the suits at the Grammys. The song’s up for a deserved few gongs, including Record Of The Year, but the smash-hit video isn’t nominated in the Best Music Video Category! Oh but don’t worry, The Dead Weather received a Best Music Video nomination for ‘I Feel Love (Every Million Miles)’, which literally no-one has seen.
The Grammys Panel Ain’t Beliebers
Justin Bieber’s Jack Ü (Skrillex and Diplo) joint ‘Where Are Ü Now’ is nominated in the ‘Best Dance Recording’ category, but his crowning achievement, the one that saw him truly forgiven for years of bad behaviour (court appearances and late-show to concerts and the like), ‘What Do You Mean?’, is nowhere to be seen. It broke Spotify’s record for most-streams in a week, after it was streamed 21 million times in just five days. The record was later beaten by Adele’s comeback single ‘Hello’ (which will not be eligible until the 2017 Grammys due to that pesky cut-off date) but the song might still have earned a nomination, no?
Reviews Mean Nothing To These People
Although Carly Rae Jepsen’s album ‘Emotion’ flopped commercially, shifting only 16,000 copies in a week in the US, the critics creamed themselves over it. The Grammys did not cream themselves over it. Carly Rae Jepsen’s album ‘Emotion’ is not nominated for Album Of The Year or Best Pop Vocal Album. The Grammys’ lap is dry.