The Pains Of Being A Justin Bieber Fan

‘Where Are Ü Now?’ is a banger. ‘What Do You Mean?’ is a banger. ‘Sorry’ is one of the greatest songs ever made. ‘Love Yourself’ is… quite good. Yet Justin Bieber keeps making it hard to be a Justin Bieber fan. He keeps doing things that could be described as naughty. Perhaps in some cases these things could even be described as “mean”. Here, then, let us count the pains of being a Belieber.

He doesn’t like cuddles

Like, who doesn’t want a cuddle? So weird. Anyway, Bieber was approached by a fan in a clothing store and she asked him for a hug. He flatly responded “No” and the girl looked heartbroken. In his defence, Bieber has said that he feels like a zoo animal when people ask him for selfies. So maybe hugs make him feel like a sheep at one of those zoo farms where you’re encouraged to cuddle to the livestock. Having worked with Diplo and Skrillex, Bieber wants to be edgy, not fluffy.



Or gifts

Forget the pains of being a Bieber fan: imagine the pains of being Bieber. Imagine the constant horror of having millions of fans, some of whom love you so much they want to give you gifts. This is the plight Justin Bieber is facing, and he bravely spoke out about it at a gig in New Jersey last week. One fan had the temerity to offer him a hat. His response was unequivocal. “Take this moment to listen and try not to give me a hat or whatever shit you’re trying to throw onto the stage because I probably don’t want that shit,” he said. Like we said, so brave.


And he’s not afraid to show it

In New York earlier this year, there was footage of Bieber being handed a gift by a fan. Lovely, no? Apparently not. Footage appears to show him chucking the gift out of the car, rolling up the window and driving off. Unrequited love is one thing, but there’s no pain like being rejected by your favourite pop star in public. Still, must be worth something now he’s touched it. Get that shit on eBay ASAP.

He will try and sell you a Marilyn Manson t-shirt for £150


Which is obviously totally OBSCENE.


He’d probably show you up in front of your parents

Remember that cheeky friend you’d bring home from school and they would say something a bit rude that would make your dad frown to himself? That’s Bieber. In 2014 he was deposed (which is like a weird American trial that they film) when one of his bodyguards allegedly hurt a paparazzi snapper. “I don’t have to listen to anything you have to say,” he told one lawyer. If he sad that to your dad over dinner, your dad would look angry and disappear to the shed at the bottom of the garden for quite some time.

He simply cannot be trusted on a day out

Earlier this year, on a jaunt to Mexico, Bieber was reportedly ejected from an archaeological site for dropping his trousers and scampering onto a section that was out of bounds. Imagine him pulling that shit at a National Trust site. He’s probably the kind of kid who would make a lewd sign at the camera on a ride at Thorpe Park. He’d probably never be allowed back. Yes, it’s a real pain being a Belieber.

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