A round-up of the singles released in the UK today, featuring Metronomy, Jamie Woon and Big Deal
Metronomy – The Look
It’s always a bit awkward when a middle-ranking band come back with a spectacular new record. Like a teacher spotting a success they berated as a pupil, you can’t help feeling guilty for not spotting their potential earlier. So apols Metronomy, for not taking you as seriously as Datarock, and seeing The Rakes instead of you at Glastonbury 2008. Let’s start afresh with ‘The Look’, a sun-kissed postcard from a fantasy Devonshire teen drama. It’s glamorous, sparse and isn’t called something stupid like ‘Radio Ladio’. Well done guys, we, er, always knew you had it in you.
Trey Songz ft. Nicki Minaj – Bottoms Up
40 million Youtube views later, Trey Songz’ paean to getting plonkered is finally getting a UK release. “Got a couple bottles, but a couple ain’t enough”, croons Trey as he reaches for another tramp-size magnum of Frosty Jacks. Minaj, meanwhile, rampages across the track like a tanked-up lad on the streets of Booze Britain: “If a bitch try to get cute I’mma sock her, throw a lotta money at her then yell fucka, fucka.” It’s a nice reminder that most of what goes in “the club” isn’t dancing and shagging but drinking till you vomit.
Jamie Woon – Lady Luck
It’s fair to say that what we want from Jamie Woon isn’t a new single at all, but a cage fight. Him, and James Blake, stripped and greased, in a Berlin-rules sparring to be crowned the prince of dubstep. In the meantime, we’ll have to do with this fairly pleasant piece of John Legend-style gap year pish. Somewhere in eastern Europe right now, two people who don’t use deodorant are doing it to this on the top bunk of a hostel bed.
T-Pain ft. Chris Brown – Best Love Song
Take a convicted domestic abuser and a man who’s unique selling point is that he can only sing with the aid of technology, throw in the most ironic title of all time and you get a song so vapid it makes Rebecca Black sound like Leonard Cohen. After a verse so meaningless and disjointed it may well just be a Taio Cruz song backwards, the chorus gives up entirely: just a series of a groans auto-tuned to increasingly irritating pitches. Pain and Brown’s partnership is proof that while great minds may think alike, so do massive bellends.
Big Deal – Talk
‘Talk’ opens with a mistake. Two friends sleeping together. Afterwards he regrets it, but she doesn’t. “It’s ok, I’ll get over it, It’s ok, I’m just a kid,” sing Alice Costello and KC Underwood in lip-bittingly awkward unison. The chorus, “All I want to do is Talk, seeing you fucks me up,” makes you pang with sympathy for her. But when Costelloe starts whimpering “I don’t want to hear about her,” your perspective shifts and the same chorus starts to sound stroppy.
“All I want to do is talk” doesn’t mean a chat, but a rant. Did anything really happen between them? You start to feel for the guy who made a mistake and now can’t shake off a needy kid talking at him. With just a distorted guitar behind them, the pair use minimal songwriting to maximum effect and have created a close to perfect break-up song.