Nothing beats a relaxing afternoon squaring up to Drake on the basketball court, followed by chilling in front of ‘Star Wars’ and anal porn. At least, not for Kanye West, according to Die Antwoord’s Ninja, who told Viceland’s Party Legends about the day he ended up shooting hoops with the biggest names in rap and R&B.
The day started as normal, with a wake-up Facetime from Paris Hilton, but who was that lurking in the background? None other than Yeezus himself, inviting Ninja to his mansion to hang out – “the biggest, dopest house on the block” with a “whole Jurassic Park kind of fucking swimming pool”. Then Kanye spotted that Ninja was wearing basketball sneakers, so suggested they go “shoot some hoops next door at Drake’s house”.
Ninja’s hart sank. He and Die Antwoord had had a high-profile run-in with Drake after he posted a diss of the Canadian phenom on Instagram only to watch it blow up in the rap press and then find himself on an uber-awks tour with Drake through Australia. So let’s just say that Drake wasn’t best pleased to see him wander through his garden of safari topiary and full-sized waterfalls and turn up on his back-yard basketball court. “He was probably thinking ‘what the fuck is this guy doing here?’ but he didn’t want to say anything because I came with Kanye.”
The game itself sounds like the pair were dribbling their egos around the court rather than basketballs. While Kanye missed all manner of bizarre and impossible shots except one stunning kung-fu move, Drake was in full NBA gear and backed by a team of hype men commentating on his every move like he as LeBron James. “I found out later that Drake films all the games and edits them and just has himself hitting 3s,” Ninja says.
When Kanye called in a ringer, Ninja was benched while Kanye’s team came back from 12-0 behind to win the first of three. “The only thing I regret in life is that I didn’t practice basketball more,” Ninja says, “it would’ve just been really beautiful if I could’ve just gone up once and slam-dunked and as Drake came up against me my pants just sort of fell a bit too low and as I slammed, just tea-bagged him.”
With Drake’s losing squad walking mournfully off into the sunset, Ninja and Kanye settled in to watch Star Wars, until the point where “as I started talking about a song, he switched on anal sex porno” and asked Ninja if he liked banana pudding. “I didn’t know if pudding is dessert, if it means the same thing”. It turned out not to be a euphemism for the sort of videos you block people for posting on your Facebook feed but Kim Kardashian’s best dessert.
Watch Ninja recount his strange day – and the “weird” aftermath – below.