Tune 101: What Songs Would You Ban?

Lady Gaga, Bruno Mars and Katy Perry are due for the slammer. The artists are due to be banned in China due to the ‘vulgar’ content of their songs.

The Ministry of Culture over there has announced that all the tracks on its 100-strong blacklist must be submitted for mandatory government screening or they will be banned from China’s legal streaming and download services- as well as radio. This is based on a 2009 directive designed to rid songs containing ‘poor taste and vulgar content’ from Chinese culture.

Katy Perry’s ‘Last Friday Night (T.G.I.F)’ is there- with its references to three-way sex and drinking to excess. Equally, Lady Gaga comes up trumps with a six-pronged attack on morality, sexuality and religion as ‘The Edge of Glory’, ‘Judas’, ‘Marry the Night’, ‘Hair’, ‘Americano’ and ‘Bloody Mary’ are all up for the chop.

However, there’s no explanation why Bruno Mars tracks such as ‘Grenade’ and ‘Just the Way You Are’ are a no-go- while ‘The Lazy Song’ (about lying around in bed presumably having a wank and some ‘really nice sex’) is kosher. Just as odd is the selection of Backstreet Boys’ ballad ‘I Want It That Way’- unless someone’s decided it’s referring to anal sex. And Nick Carter wanting it that way isn’t something anybody really wants to think on for too long- let alone hear on the radio.

So then, we’re opening up Tune 101. Based on Orwell’s Room 101, we’re asking NME.com users to nominate tracks that they’d like to be annihilate- be it because it’s in poor taste, you find it offensive, or was recorded by Olly Murs. I’ll start off-

Bruno Mars, ‘The Lazy Song’

Having said the above, the idea of banning Bruno Mars’ smug little face, and with it the mental image of Bruno ‘putting his hand down his pants’ and then having some adequate relations (‘then I’ll have some really nice sex’) all while mugging to the crowd, is one that I can fully get behind. Offensive? How could it not be? I’d take The Situation singing about doing a poo before having to listen to Bruno detail his plans for his penis.

Insane Clown Posse, ‘Miracles’

I don’t really know where to start with Insane Clown Posse. Horrorcore needs to be clever, or at the very least funny, to work. And by gum this is neither. ‘Miracles’ is a pretty mild track by I.C.P’s standards. It’s got a more overtly Christian bent that their other stuff, and has one of the most inane couplets ever committed to tape: “I fed a fish to a pelican in ‘Frisco bay / He tried to eat my cellphone / And ran away”. I’d ban this based on the video alone, but the fact that Insane Clown Posse’s misogyny, bigotry and general awfulness are being carried over a message about morality and wonder somehow makes it even worse.

Joss Stone, ‘Baby Baby Baby’

No list of ‘ideally banned songs’ would be complete without this Joss Stone corker. Even though she’s since picked things up with new group Superheavy, let’s never forget the moment Joss chose some sub-Ronson dross as a single, and filmed a video with a lower budget than a pirate DVD taped off a cinema screen. The reasons to chuck this are endless – hollow-eyed soul deserves to be put down for starters – but the casting of Stone’s brother as her love interest in the video is cause enough.

To the comments, readers! What songs would you consign to Tune 101 for their ‘poor taste and vulgar content’?