Kings Of Leon have just unveiled details of their new clothing range. It’s called KOLxS2A, which makes it sound less like a rock’n’roll fashion brand, more like a new variety of affordable Nissan hatchback.
But then, for all their other gifts, KOL have never been much cop at naming things – as ‘A-Ha Shake Heartbreak’ (or indeed any of their album titles) clearly demonstrates.
Still, if you’ve ever wanted to adopt the band’s trademark jeans-and-skinny-tie look – and we all know how difficult that is to pull off; it’s not like you can buy that kind of gear in Top Man or anything – now’s your chance. Although you might want to start saving, because it’s not cheap. The leather jacket alone will set you back £739, the boots £361.
What kind of maniac spends £739 on a jacket? You expect this kind of thing from a hip-hop hypercapitalist such as Kanye West. But not from a gang of good ol’ indie boys from Tennessee. It feels out of character.
Indeed, buying the whole set (including the £212 guitar strap) would cost an eye-watering £2293. It makes Liam Gallagher’s Pretty Green clothing line (where a parka will set you back £450) look like a branch of Oxfam in comparison.
Don’t they realise there’s a recession on? Fortunately, dressing like KOL needn’t cost the earth. I’ve come up with this handy guide to copying their look on a budget.
A KOL-branded one costs £65 – but you can achieve the exact same look by stealing a bar towel from your local pub and tying it round your head. One major advantage is that it will probably reek of stale booze, thus giving you that authentic eau de Followill.
To achieve the requisite skinniness, simply take your regular jeans and boil them until they’re a tenth of the size. Pull them on, enlisting a friend’s help if necessary. If you start feeling dizzy, you’re nearly there.
Real leather can be expensive. Money-saving tip: colour your trainers in with black felt tip. Meanwhile, for that all-important steel-capped feel, simply hammer some drawing pins into the soles (Caution: may cause heavy bleeding).
Don’t waste £££s on expensive clippers. Simply drizzle some Krazy Glue on your chin and lie face-down on the floor of your local barber’s shop. If anyone complains, just start thrashing around and shrieking uncontrollably – you’ll soon find people leave you alone.