What the actual fuck is Big Dick Energy? Unless you’ve been digital detoxing in space over the past couple of days you’ll have seen those three words – or their handy acronym BDE – flying about all over the internet, and it’s all thanks to Ariana Grande and Pete Davidson.
Not only have the new couple managed to lock it down in a matter of weeks, they’ve also indirectly gifted the world Big Dick Energy – both the popularisation of the idea and a healthy example of it. That’s an incredibly productive first month together by anyone’s standards, raising the bar on other celebrity relationships ten-fold. It’s as if they went, “Oh, Cardi B and Offset are secretly already married and have been for months? Let’s top that.” But, of course, they didn’t because Big Dick Energy cannot be planned nor can it be forced. It is a natural thing bestowed upon the chosen ones, much like certain measurements.
How did we get to this point, though? We can trace BDE back to a saucy (and now-deleted) tweet from Ariana. After revealing there is a track on her upcoming new album ‘Sweetener’ named after her fiancé, a fan tweeted at her: “How long is Pete???” Realising how that could be misinterpreted, they swiftly followed up: “Oh, as in the interlude, not as in…Anyway.”
— Jaya ♡ (@JayaHampton) June 22, 2018
If you believe internet screenshots, the pop star’s gave an absolutely iconic reply. “Like 10 inches?… oh fuck… I mean… like a lil over a minute,” read the post. Much like a wild optical illusion, it’s the kind of tweet where once you see it, you can’t stop thinking about it. Even when you think you’ve finally got it out of your brain, something reminds you of it (in this case, photos of Pete Davidson, any Ariana Grande song, the pack of Stevia in your work kitchen), bringing it flooding back.
Whether or not the comedian really is that well endowed isn’t the point here. BDE is subjective and flexible in the way that cold, hard facts aren’t. You don’t have to have a big dick to have BDE, nor does being well hung automatically give you BDE. As the old adage goes, size doesn’t matter – instead, it’s the attitude and energy you give off that does; the self-assured suggestion that you might be packing heat, not that you really are. Perception is key.
How do I know if I have big dick energy?
— Thomas Wesley (@diplo) June 26, 2018
There is one more rule to BDE – asking if you have it automatically means you don’t. Diplo tweeted that very question yesterday, immediately cancelling out the Big Dick Energy he previously exuded. Remember this, Dip: true BDE possessors don’t need to seek the validation of others, they just know.
So who does have that Big Dick Energy? Pete Davidson, as we’ve established, absolutely does. Liam Gallagher has it in spades. His brother Noel? He’d probably like to think he does, but he definitely does not, and that is maybe the true root of Oasis‘ problems. Alex Turner? ‘Tranquility Base Hotel + Casino‘ is basically the musical equivalent of BDE, of course he does. Leonardo DiCaprio? Yes. Idris Elba? Also yes. Kanye West? 100 percent no.
It’s not just men who can have custody of BDE though. The concept doesn’t depend on you actually having a penis at all. As many have pointed out already, Rihanna is the queen of BDE. Nicki Minaj is not far behind. Beyoncé‘s got a ton of it, as does Cardi B. Tiffany Haddish, while hilarious and the hero we all need, is far too in-your-face to have BDE. Remember, BDE is exuded, not forced.