The coffee was drank, the envelopes opened, I managed to refrain from spaffing one out over either Carey Mulligan or Gabourey Sibide, and for the first time in a long-time, some worthy winners were chosen.
For those of you too lazy to read on, the big winners were The Hurt Locker, Jeff, Sandy Bullock, Mo’Nique and Christoph. For those of you too interested in an important ceremony like ‘The Onnies’ to give a fuck, goodbye. For the rest of you, meet me over the jump.
“You have a woman’s Oscar my lord!”
After 82 cermonies the Academy has finally awarded the Best Director Oscar to a person with a vagina. The cynics may say that Bigelow won for making the most Boy’s Own film of the year but that’s impossible because Quentin was in the room, and Quentin makes the most Boy’s Own films ever.
As hoped for, Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin put the boot-in to the overly glamourous, overly-paid and overly-fawned upon audience. OK, it’s not like they sat there cracking jokes about how Gabourey Sibide will probably never get a decent gig again or pleaded with Kathryn to shove her Oscar up Jim’s butt – but they did reference their divorce, they did make an excellent ‘Jew-hunter’ joke and they did call most members of the academy bastards.
“Fuck sympathy! I don’t need sympathy, I need my fucking johnson!”
Jeff Bridges won Best Actor for his ‘role of a lifetime’ Bad ‘Crazy Heart’ Blake. Except as everyone knows his role of a lifetime (and the reason for so many bad Lebowski jokes in the article) was that of Jeffrey Lebowski. But as everyone knows the Oscar is always half for the role, half for the career. In that case it’s exceptionally pleasing that he’s finally been rewarded. I bet that Oscar would look pretty sweet on the mantle-piece, next to the picture of Nixon bowling, sitting above the Dude’s rug.
“Not a waste of time…”
One of the more deserving winners and, by far, the best speech was Up’s Micheal Giacchio upon winning best score. After a bat-shit crazy ‘movies interpreted through the medium of…dance!’ (which was impressive if somewhat hard to discover what the interpretation actually meant) Micheal came to the stage and gave the kind of “don’t give up on your dreams” kinda speech that usually falls into mawkishness. This one didn’t.
While the Academy had very few suprises once the nominations were announced, kudos to them for picking the majority of the best nominations to begin with. The kind of Oscars that won’t be hailed as revolutionary. Y’know apart from the revolutionary ‘Best Director Award’. Yeah shut up I’m still tired…
Full list of winners
– Motion Picture: “The Hurt Locker.”
– Actor: Jeff Bridges, “Crazy Heart.”
– Actress: Sandra Bullock, “The Blind Side.”
– Supporting Actor: Christoph Waltz, “Inglourious Basterds.”
– Supporting Actress: Mo’Nique, “Precious: Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire.”
– Director: Kathryn Bigelow, “The Hurt Locker.”
– Foreign Film: “El Secreto de Sus Ojos,” Argentina.
– Adapted Screenplay: Geoffrey Fletcher, “Precious: Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire.”
– Original Screenplay: Mark Boal, “The Hurt Locker.”
– Animated Feature Film: “Up.”
– Art Direction: “Avatar.”
– Cinematography: “Avatar.”
– Sound Mixing: “The Hurt Locker.”
– Sound Editing: “The Hurt Locker.”
– Original Score: “Up,” Michael Giacchino.
– Original Song: “The Weary Kind (Theme From Crazy Heart)” from “Crazy Heart,” Ryan Bingham and T Bone Burnett.
– Costume: “The Young Victoria.”
– Documentary Feature: “The Cove.”
– Documentary (short subject): “Music by Prudence.”
– Film Editing: “The Hurt Locker.”
– Makeup: “Star Trek.”
– Animated Short Film: “Logorama.”
– Live Action Short Film: “The New Tenants.”
– Visual Effects: “Avatar.”
When Owen Nicholls is not telling you The Onnies will be announced tomorrow, he edits and writes for www.thisfilmison.com