Golden Globes 2012 – Winners and Losers

There’s a strongly held belief within many film circles that the elderly judges of the Golden Globes know as little about film production as David “It’s easy, just pick successful films to fund” Cameron. Those not blinkered by the star-fucking nature of the Hollywood Foreign Press and their annual circle jerk see the ceremony as sitting somewhere between the ‘People’s Choice Awards’ and the Paul Ross honour for ‘Most Bestest Film of the Afternoon’.

Despite this rather cynical viewpoint, press coverage and public awareness for the Globes is second only to the Oscars. And anyway, who doesn’t love a bit of star fuckering. Especially when the stars in question – Clooney, Fassbender, Rooney and Michelle – are all so damn purdy.

So if you couldn’t stay awake until the wee hours here’s a rundown of the five more memorable moments from last night’s slap backage.

5Gervais is half empty
While The Daily Mail and co’s inevitable lambasting of Ricky Gervais – including a few more column inches on his ‘epic failure’ in Hollywood – will be way off, the host wasn’t quite as adept at turning stars into white dwarves as in previous years. If anything he seemed bored to be back. Still his presence did lead to the best moment of the night; Elton John’s stoney look as Ricky cracked a joke about Jodie Foster’s unseen Beaver could have broken glass.

4Old Is Gold

With a combined age of 4057 (est), the Golden Globe winners this year came from the older end of the age spectrum. Wins for Christopher Plummer (82), Woody Allen (76), Martin Scorsese (69), Meryl Streep (62), Jessica Lange (62) and Madonna (90+) left little room for the whippersnappers Rooney Mara, Ryan Gosling and Joseph Gordon-Levitt.
3Brad and George 4Ever

With Brad introducing George’s film (The Ides of March) and George introducing Brad’s (Moneyball) the love-in between Clooney and Pitt reached Holmes and Watson levels. Upon winning Best Actor, half of Clooney’s very good acceptance speech was spent praising his Oceans co-star. You can’t help but think Angelina Jolie might be locking her door if George pops over to ‘show off’ the phallic shaped gong and if he does get through the door Pitt’ll require more than a walking stick to help him get around. Homoerotic tenderness aside, the ‘I’m nailing that” face Brad wore when Jolie was on stage presenting was priceless.

2Morgan Freeman is God

Introduced by the legendary Sidney Poitier, the equally legendary (and that’s the highest praise in the land) Morgan Freeman received the Cecil B. DeMille lifetime award. Clips from The Shawshank Redemption, Million Dollar Baby, Seven, Unforgiven and The Dark Knight just emphasised what everyone knows: Mr. Freeman is God. The highlight of the clip reel, however, had to be a young Morgan covered in bubbles singing about how he loves to take a bath in a casket, see below. Unique.

1Silence is Golden

The Artist was always the favourite going in to Awards Season and tonight’s wins only cement that theory. Three awards for Best Score, Best Actor and Best Comedy/Musical Film may not seem like a clean sweep but without a busload of technical awards (with techies deemed too boring) it’s the closest the Globes gets to a landslide.With Scorsese picking up Best Director for Hugo as well, the love for films about silent films was a running theme. Seems like the Hollywood Foreign Press likes voting for films that remind them of their childhoods.

In summation – and we knew this before a single envelope was opened – the night proved that this year’s awards fodder sorely lacks anything that comes close to eclipsing last year’s immensely popular The King’s Speech or the critically adored The Social Network. The closest film to either, The Artist, deservedly won the lion’s share.

See you on February 26th for The Oscars…

For a full list of winners visit the Golden Globes Official Site.