When anything comes out of the sea singing a creepy song in which it promises not to eat you, run like fuck. Don’t be like rock singer Mietek from forthcoming Polish horror film The Lure who, of all the groupies at his disposal, falls for the one who changes into a fish in the bath and likes to eat human hearts.
And you thought mermaids were cuddly? You’ve been watching too much Splash, mate. Agnieszka Smoczyńska, director of forthcoming Polish horror film The Lure, is out to remind us that mermaid tales from the 14th to 18th century classed the alluring she-fish as sisters of dragons, so she made the two mermaids in her film, Golden and Silver, vampiric heart-munchers with the teeth of one of Mr Burns’ hounds. She also made them strippers as a comment on the international sex trade, hence colourful scenes in which the pair wow strip club crowds by transforming into their fishy forms in a giant champagne glass at the end of their act.
The NSFW trailers and teasers, which you can check out below, promise a bizarre viewing experience. Shots of vampire guppy-women chowing down on internal organs and breast-feeding from a mama mermaid slam up against the sort of full-on musical scenes that could be taken from a piscine version of La La Land. Rubini Ramji from that acclaimed film review publication Journal Of Religion And Film described the movie – which has won Best Debut Picture at the Gdynia Film Festival, Special Jury Award at Sundance 2016 and Best Film at Fantasporto 2016 (whatever that is) – as a “rock opera, a horror movie and fairytale story about mermaids all rolled up into one”, which sounds right up our frankly demented cinematic street. Next week, we preview Decapitating Nemo. Hopefully.