Saw 7: What If…Other Films Reached Six Sequels

Preceding the first Million Pound Drop, the Davina McCall hosted quiz show where unfortunate members of the British public are baited with actual, cold, hard cash, only to have their hopes and dreams literally fall away in front of them, whilst we folks at home chuckle heartily at their misfortune, was a trailer question asking, “Which horror film has had the most sequels?


The options were as follows…
a) Nightmare On Elm Street
b) Halloween
c) Friday the 13th
d) Saw

If you’d have answered, d) Saw, you’d now be staring at a large hole in the ground, the end of your relationship, widespread ridicule from your peers and a possible nervous breakdown.

More to the point though, how many bloody sequels does one film need?

The Godfather: Part VII
Mary Corleone (Sofia Coppola) is now head of the crime family. Trying to legitimize the Corleone name she, along with Connie (Talia Shire), have gone into the world of artistic agencies. Chief amongst their clients is AC Slater actor Mario Lopez (to be played by Mario Lopez) who will stop at nothing to get a big screen version of Saved By The Bell made. An offer everyone refuses.

Seven Men And A Baby
New-on-the-scene porn actress Tatty Bojangles (Heather Graham) tries to discover who the father of her baby is. Steve Guttenburg, Tom Selleck and Ted Danson return, joined by Cuba Gooding Jr., Chris O’ Donnell, Mickey Rooney and Adam Woodyatt (aka Ian Beale of Eastenders) in what Paramount Pictures describes as the ‘family feel-good film of the year’. “Seeing as she only had sex once finding the father should be easy? Right? The problem is she had sex with seven…”, you get the idea.

Speed 7
One – Bus, Two – Boat, Three – Milk Float, Four – Moped, Five – Volvo, Six – Wheelies…Seven – Scootie! Jack Traven is back. Jack Traven is very, very old. When pissed-off ex-cop (Danny Glover) sends his watch off to cash4yourgold he finds out its a fake. Seeking revenge he rigs up Jack’s Shoprider Scootie Scooter to blow, if it contains too many Werther’s Originals in its basket. Despite chronic toothache Jack must munch on the sickly toffee whilst bezzing around a shopping mall until way past his bedtime.

Endless fighting between the aliens, and their bitter prey the predators, has become tiresome to all involved. To counter this they form a democratic parliament to discuss their differences. Aaron Sorkin writes and directs a hard-hitting political thriller as Aliens fight for their right to have tax credits for each egg the queen hatches. Whoever Wins, Audiences Lose.

Se7en 7
Detective Somerset (Morgan Freeman) hunts his hardest challenge yet. A murderer, disguised by the alias Guy Incognito, kills his victims by ways of the Wonders of the World. Like a black Indiana Jones, but much more successful in a short space of time, Somerset clocks up some serious air miles finally finding the murderer on top of the Lighthouse of Alexandria. Mills (Brad Pitt), recently released from prison, for the sixth time, pushes the killer off the 120 metre tall tower. Ends with the quote, “The world is a fine place, with many wonders, I disagree with the second part.”

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