The story of The Disaster Artist will confuse you if you’ve never seen 2003’s cult movie The Room, aka the best worst film of all time. The filming process behind Tommy Wiseau‘s terribly scripted, edited and acted account of a wronged lover is being parodied by James and Dave Franco and Seth Rogen, and the new movie is coming on December 1, 14 years after the original was released. To get you in the spoon-filled spirit, here’s the best clunky lines from the original movie.
1. “I’m so happy I have you as my best friend, and I love Lisa so much”
Backstory 101, courtesy of Tommy Wiseau.
2. “It’s bullshit, I did not hit her. I did nooot. Oh hi, Mark!”
Mixing extreme angst with basic pleasantries: a rollercoaster of emotions.
3. “Why, Lisa, why, WHY?!”
4. “Johnny’s my best friend!”
It’s important that you don’t forget this key plot point.
5. “Anyway, how’s your sex life?”
“Are you enjoying this totally natural conversation?”
6. “You’re tearing me apart, Lisa!”
Shakespeare, eat your heart out.
7. “I got the results of the test back. I definitely have breast cancer.”
8. Entire flower shop scene
An enormous amount is squeezed into this dubbed, seconds-long exchange. You feel like you’re watching at double speed. Best of all is this transition:
-“You’re my favourite customer.”
-“Thanks a lot, bye!”
9. “Everybody betrayed me! I’m fed up with this world.”
A man at his wits’ end.
10. “In a few minutes, bitch.”
Alright then, Johnny.
11. “Chicken, Peter, you’re just a little chicken. Cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep!”
12. “Leave your stupid comments in your pocket!”
Yeah, leave your stupid comments where they came from, in your… pocket. Ahem.
13. “Let’s go eat, huh?”