Twilight: Breaking Dawn Trailer – What It All Means

This week the internet literally, and I do in fact mean literally, exploded with what historians will come to call the greatest trailer of all time. Breathtaking. Enchanting. Momentous. These are some words. You could even use some of these words to describe the trailer in question, if you like to do that sort of thing. We are, of course, talking about The Muppets. Everything about this is awesome, especially the fact that the makers of The Muppets think that the original trailer The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo was awesome. If you haven’t seen it, watch it below right this god-damn minute.

And yes, a new Twilight trailer also got released. Which is quite a big deal. How big a deal? Well on Monday, the makers of Twilight deemed it necessary to release a trailer FOR the trailer. So yeah, quite a big deal.


Here it is, the fruition of Edward’s four-film-long plan to get it up Bella. As I’ve said before, I can do little but doff my cap to Edward and his long game. The guy has the patience of a saint and judging by the video below, things are about to pay off pretty, pretty well. Bed board crushing SEX in a hotel. Wet and wild waterfall SEX in public. SEX in a badger’s warren with a dwarf that looks like Gordon Ramsey. Twilight: Breaking Dawn – Part One has all the sex a pre-teen fangirl could want. Until…

Typical. It’s all Sex, Sex, Sex during the first few weeks and then married life kicks in and the excuses start. “No Edward I can’t have sex, I’ve got a headache”, “No Edward I don’t want to bone right now, Hollyoaks is on”, “No Edward I can’t make love to your giant eyebrows as I seem to be demonstrably gestating a vampire baby that seems to be killing me slowly and painfully.” Pah! If I had a nickel for every time a girl used that last line on me, well, I’d have a shitload of nickels.

But it turns out Bella is telling the truth. Bella’s belly belies a benign being and before you can dramatically state “It’s crushing you from the inside out!” the bump is giving Kristen Stewart that new Sinead O’Connor look. Although she wouldn’t be in this position if she’d opted for Sinead’s preferred technique.

After the new Cullen family decide to place an announcement in the local paper telling the world of their good news all hell breaks loose, as uppity shapeshifters and pissed off vampires can’t believe they have to fork out for a baby shower present only weeks after buying a wedding gift. What about those who don’t want to get married? Who might never have kids? Still have to fork out for present after present. Selfish is what it is. Then the trailer ends. Which is fine. It all looks nice and pretty and wonderfully camp and silly and everyone will either ignore it or dry hump it to death depending on your Twi-ness.

We do, however, have one hefty, hefty beef with those involved in the Twilight world. Namely: Wendell ‘Bunk from The Wire‘ Pierce is in your film.

Why the hell isn’t he in every inch of your trailer?


Twilight: Breaking Dawn in photos


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