Speaking to Smith during an episode of her Red Table Talk Facebook Watch show, Jackson discussed what it was that helped her to heal after suffering from years of trauma.
“A lot of people do feel regret when they try and attempt suicide,” she said. “There have been times where I did and times where I didn’t, where I was upset that it didn’t work.
She continued: “But I can say, several years later, that I’m really grateful that it didn’t. Things have gotten better.”
Asked what it was that made her contemplate suicide, Jackson replied: “I think it was everything, man. I think a lot of it was just not knowing who I was, being a young girl who was going through puberty and probably just a lot of my situation and a lot of pressure. It was really hard.”
She added that cyberbullying also played a part. “People would tell me to kill myself every day, and I was depressed,” she explained, revealing that at one point she believed her suicide attempts would be successful, eventually.
“[I was] just like, ‘OK, I’ve tried and tried and tried, and it’s really not working. Maybe it’s just not my time, and that sucks,'” she said. “And for a while, I was just like, ‘I’ll just wait it out’, which is so dark.”
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Posted by Red Table Talk on Sunday, June 13, 2021
Going on to explain what it was that helped her back into a better mental space, Jackson said: “Initially I think it was – it’s kind of morbid – the radical acceptance that it just wasn’t meant to be.
“So it’s just a radical acceptance of, ‘When it’s my time, it will be my time,’ and I’ll wait it out till then. And during that waiting time, I’ve just found more and more joys in life and more ways to cope and more ways to like, really live instead of just exist.”
She recalled a pep talk she gave herself after having a bad day, which she said helped to stop her suicidal tendencies. “I experienced self-love for the first time in my entire life,” she told Smith. “It was this really corny moment between me, myself, and the mirror… It was so intense. Just a lot of gratitude. It took a really long time to get to that point.”
For help and advice on mental health:
- ‘Am I depressed?‘ – Help and advice on mental health and what to do next
- Help Musicians UK – Around the clock mental health support and advice for musicians
- Music Support Org – Help and support for musicians struggling with alcoholism, addiction, or mental health issues
- YOUNG MINDS – The voice for young people’s health and wellbeing
- CALM – The Campaign Against Living Miserably for young men
- Time To Change – Let’s end mental health discrimination
- The Samaritans – Confidential support 24 hours a day