Soundtrack Of My Life: Belinda Blumenthal, from ‘My Dad Wrote A Porno’

Saucy star of the x-rated hit podcast – you have been warned

The first song I remember hearing

Snap! – ‘The Power’

“This was always on the car radio when I was a small child. My mother did an orchestral version with her bebop band to great acclaim in the pubs and clubs around Sevenoaks actually. The minute the lead-singer person screamed her business mantra – ‘I’ve got the power’ – I knew there was no looking back for me…“

The first song I fell in love with

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 Dana Gillespie – ‘Fat Meat is Good Meat’

“I don’t think I need to elaborate except to say fat meat is indeed good meat. You see, some girls dream of Disney princes. Other girls dream of becoming Prime Minister. I dreamed of making my two white slices a sandwich. And I’d rather watch Steele’s Pots and Pans go bankrupt than go vegan.“

The first album I ever bought

The Jungle Book Original Soundtrack

The Jungle Book, especially: ‘Now I’m the king of the swingers/Oh I’m the Jungle VIP!’ In business much like in cartoons, people can be assigned animal proxies. It’s a very new age and clever technique in corporate synergy team-building exercises. I’ve known snakes, I’ve known bears. I’ve even known a flock of vultures who have pilfered and snatched my spreadsheets! I myself am – and always have been – the King of the Swingers and a VIP, so I can relate to the lyrics. I’m a lyrics girl.”

The first gig I went to

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The Spice Girls at the Millennium Dome, late-1990s

“I saw them in the Millennium Dome Building, some time between Has-Been-Spice pissing off and Mrs-Football-Spice having little’uns. Watching them try and harmonise made me dream of having a gaggle of lady friends like them one day. They were all different and full of cheeky zest and I’m so glad they are friends again. I know what it’s like to fall out for attention-seeking purposes. My idols to this day, these girls were my inspiration for The Glee Team except their ten titties weren’t supersonic so much as philharmonic. Lovely harmonies.”

The song that reminds me of home

Nancy Sinatra – ‘These Boots Are Made for Walkin’’

“My mother used to sing it all the time when she was wearing her boots. They were leather-look with a snakeskin trim and felt innards. They would clop on the lino and I would immediately know to either tidy my room or mix her a dry sex on the beach.”

The song I wish I’d written

Chumbawamba – ‘Tubthumping’

“This is my life story… I get pissed, but I get up again. I also have considerable time for any song that reads my bar tab verbatim. Remember I’m big on the words: ‘She drinks a whiskey drink, she drinks a vodka drink/She drinks a lager drink, she drinks a cider drink.’ Believe me when I say, that’s been the recipe for many a night of regret and good snogs. And don’t get me started on ‘Danny Boy’ – I’ll start crying in the corner.”

The song I do at karaoke

Sham Rock – ‘Tell Me Ma’

“This has always been my go to song when I want to impress people. It has really complex melody rhythms, fabulous allegro and the intermezzo is impeccable. The depths of the lyrics also allows me to really express my inner Celine Dion, Shirley Bassey and Mama Cass. Believe me when I say there isn’t a dry eye in the house when I sing this. I’m a jizz factory with gentlemen squirting left, right and centre stage.”

The song I can’t get out of my head

Jessie Ware – ‘Remember Where You Are’

“A true musical magician, Miss Jessie delivers every time. Like The Youngish Man with a 24-hour room service menu. This song is in my head because it’s catchy. And because it reminds me of that poignant time when everything got shut down due to the virus and we couldn’t go to work… or shag strangers at the Pentra!”

The song I can no longer listen to

 Herb Alpert and the Tijauna Brass – ‘A Walk in the Black Forest’

“I never again want to be reminded of Countess Zara’s feast.”

The song I want played at my funeral

‘Twinkle Twinkle Little Star’

“It was the poet Ronan Keating who once said: ‘Life is a rollercoaster and you’ve just got to ride it.’ Well, I’ve ridden many things in my life and I’ve felt everything from adrenaline to motion sickness. But he was so right. A rollercoaster gives you thrills, knocks you about a bit but ultimately ends in the exact same place it starts. And life is like that. I first heard that stars twinkled at maybe eight months old, so when I meet my maker I’d like to be reminded of that. And you know I’ll be a diamond in the sky…”

The song that makes me want to dance

CHIC – ‘Le Freak’

“Neither mortal nor Norse god could resist this anthem, created for kinky sexperts the globe over. I will grind and hump along a chequered lightbox dance floor any day of the week for the CHICs. My dancing will tell the story of the song; from delirious delight to aerobic contortion control. It’s true that I’m what the French call a ‘le freak’ because this gold standard in groove tunes makes my fury feline fizzle with excitement!”

‘My Dad Wrote A Porno’ bring their live show to London’s Royal Festival Hall on May 18. ‘The Podcast Show 2022’ takes place from May 23-29

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