Liam Gallagher – A Career In Quotes

Motormouth Mancunian Liam G has been one of music’s most outspoken and hilarious protagonists for more than two decades now. Here are 60 of his most ludicrous musings, on Blur, Noel and everything in between.

60 On running over Noel…

“Bastard! That taxi missed! If I was driving I would have fucking had you, man.”

59 On modelling his own fashion collection…

“No fucking chance!”

58 On Jack White…

“The White Stripes? Fooking rubbish. School ties? At the age of 24? Fooking hell.”

57 On setting a good example…

“I don’t go out and get wasted. I’ve got kids and they’re getting to that age when they’re like, ‘How come you get to lie in bed all day and I’ve got to go to school?'”

56 On celebrity mates…

“Our kid hangs around with all these strange people with long hair – Russell Brand sorts – and that’s just not my cup of tea.”

55 On getting vitamin injections…

“Here you go, eat your heart out Pete Doherty, you crackhead! That whinger!”

54 On his stage demeanour…

“I refuse to dance. And I can’t dance anyway. I’m not in a band for that.”

53 On Keith Richards…

“He’s jealous and senile and not getting enough fucking meat pies.”

52 On going out to gigs…

“Fuck that. What’s the point? The bands are all shit, aren’t they? Go out to socialise and have some student stand on your fucking shoes?”

51 On his morning regime…

“I’m up at 6am, me. I’ve got an alarm call and everything. It’s like being in the fookin’ army.”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2211079

50 On the Premiership…

“I’m moving back to Manchester if City win the league. I’m going to buy a house next to Mani out of Stone Roses and be a real noisy ******* neighbour – hurl abuse at him over the fence.”

49 On sartorial elegance…

“I have got a bit of an issue with cardigans. They’re shit aren’t they?”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2211002

48 On Green Day’s Billie Joe Armstrong…

“Fuck right off. I’m not having him. I just don’t like his head.”

47 On Noel…

“I’d do time for him. I love him. Me and him are cool. If anyone stepped on his toes, I’d cut them off.”

46 On Ozzy Osbourne…

“How come everyone thinks he’s great? He’s a bit of a fooking mong, if you ask me.”

45 On being a softie at heart…

“I am a tender, beautiful and loving guy that happens to slap a photographer now and then because they get in my way.”

44 On the Beatles Vs God…

“It’s got to be being in the Beatles. When was the last time God made a decent record?”

43 On the Glastonbury ‘spirit’…

“I fucking hate Glastonbury, mate. I’m only here for the money.”

42 On tuition fees…

“I’d have liked to have gone to fucking college, you know what I mean? But we couldn’t afford it. Some of us had to go down and dig holes on the site with fucking Murphy and Dick.”

41 On Muse…

“Muse fucking scare me. They’re like fucking creepy shit. But people like ’em. They at least play guitars, but when I hear his voice I’m like, Ah, fuck him.”

40 On footballers…

“[Mario] Balotelli’s a character but he needs to sort his napper out. I like characters – if the world was full of fucking Gary Nevilles, it would be bobbins. He looks like an estate agent.”

39 On describing bandmates in three words…

“Alan White… oh, I can’t do it. I can’t be arsed.”

38 On the Oasis live experience…

“You’ve seen one of our gigs, you’ve seen ’em all.”

37 On Pete Doherty (again)…

“What does the word Libertine mean? Freedom! He’s in the corner doing smack with a helmet on his head. There’s nothing free about that. It’s nasty.”

36 On the royal wedding…

“We don’t observe bank holidays in this band. It’s all one big bank holiday, one big fucking day off. But I say good luck to them, man. Fair play to the pair of them.”

35 On the student riots…

“I loved it, man. I’m into the violent side of it. I thought it made for fucking great TV. I still think they should get a fucking job, though. But I’m into people getting wound up about things. It’s better than being fucking dead, innit?”

34 On La Roux…

“No way, mate. She’s got man hands.”

33 On pointy shoes…

“You know them shoes that just come out at you like a fucking snooker cue?! It’s like, ‘Leave it out, man! You got a license for them bastards or what?’”

32 On Robbie Williams…

“He’s a fucking drama queen. You make a crap album then want everyone to feel sorry for you. Tosser!”

31 On the fashion industry…

“90 per cent of the music business is run by idiots and I’ll guess it’s the same for fashion, know what I mean?”

30 On golf…

“I love making proper contact with that fucking ball. If you whack it, it fucking goes, man. If you get it right it goes miles. I spend too much time in that fucking sandpit but there you go… it’s a learning curve. And there’s a drink-up after.”

29 On visitors to his house…

“I don’t mind it. Fans turn up wanting pictures. It’s cool, man. No one’s tried to kill me yet. But bring it on!”

28 On Noel winning awards…

“I don’t give a fuck what awards he gets. Ivor Novello Award? What is it? Don’t want anything to do with that shit.”

27 On Franz Ferdinand…

“You look at [Alex Kapranos] and the singer from Right Said Fred. It’s the same person! he’s just gone on the Atkins diet and grown his hair.”

26 On business and brotherly love…

“I like Noel outside the band. Human Noel – that’s my brother – I fucking adore him and I’d do anything for him. But the geezer that’s in this fucking business, he’s one of the biggest cocks in the universe.”

25 On the Scissor Sisters…

“Bright colours and fucking weirdos on stilts? I’m more entertaining than that shit.”

24 On religion…

“I guide myself. If I bump into walls, I bump into walls. I’m like a little bumper car, I keep bumping into questions and answers and it’s a top buzz, man.”

23 On Coldplay and Radiohead…

“I don’t hate them, I don’t wish they had accidents. I think their fans are boring and ugly and don’t look like they’re having a good time.”

22 On conquering America…

“Americans want grungy people stabbing themselves in the head onstage. They get a bright bunch like us, with deodorant on, they don’t get it.”

21 On his brother’s sense of style…

“Noel’s got an old man vibe going on, our kid. Big woolly jumpers and cardigans… Terry Wogan, Val Doonican shit.”

20 On debauched on-the-road antics…

“In Caracas, top gig. Sat in me room in silence as my TV doesn’t work. Not allowed to leave the hotel for fear of being tickled to death.”

19 On being a sex symbol…

“I’m into the girls fancying me, mad for it. Get a bit worried if boys started fancying me. I’ve got nothing against gays – as long as they don’t pinch me on the bum or whatever.”

18 On Pete Doherty and Tom Chaplin…

“Posh boys can’t take drugs, man, they’re lightweights. They have one little line, and they’re in rehab”.

17 On nearly dying after eating M&Ms…

“That peanut, man, it nearly tipped me over the edge. It was a fucking blue one and all, the cheeky bastard. I had a fucking M&M and it felt like I’d been shot in the mouth.”

16 On Bloc Party…

“They remind me of a band off University Challenge. Like they’re sitting on a panel.”

15 On his plans for Christmas…

“The usual. I’ll be sitting there all day, getting wankered. Probably eating loads of fucking food an’ all. What are the kids after this year? What do you think? Loads of fucking toys.”

14 On who he’d like to hang…

“I’d like to fooking hang Robbie Williams onstage. What’s he done to me this time? Nothing. He’s just somebody I’d like to hang.”

13 On being invited to design a gnome for the Chelsea Flower Show…

“It’d be a fucking rock’n’roll gnome man. It would look like me. Nah, it’d look like our kid – same fucking size and everything.”

12 On getting banned from The Groucho Club…

“Gazza was at the bar, using that old joke: ‘D’you want a ‘Roll With It’? D’you want a roll with your soup? So I squirted him with a fire extinguisher.

11 On Victoria Beckham’s literary aspirations…

“She can’t even chew gum and walk in a straight line, let alone write a book.”

10 On that band name…

“At the end of the day a name’s a name. You could be called fucking Veiny Love Stick, but if your music’s shit then it’s shit.”

9 On Kanye West…

“If I ever win any more fucking awards I’d personally invite him to get up and fucking take my award of me. I fucking tell you that… That was rude when he did that to that girl, that Taylor Swift. So yeah, give me an award and see where it goes. It will roll out of his fucking arse.”

8 On falling out with Noel…

“We had a ding-dong in the airport and I think he started crying then – that was it – doesn’t travel with me [on tour] any more.”

7 On drinking…

“At Knebworth I thought we were doing one night and we were doing two. I got that mashed on the first I woke up to a knock on the door and thought I was at home. I forgot all about it. But I had to go and do it again. That was heavy.”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CS9-_wfIcsg

6 On Wayne Rooney…

“He looks like a fucking balloon with a fucking Weetabix crushed on top. He’s better off as a skinhead, isn’t he?”

5 On the paparazzi…

“It’s good people living on your doorstep and looking through your bins. Gives me a kick up the arse. Otherwise I’d just sit around getting fat.”

4 On Radiohead’s ‘The King of Limbs’…

“I like to think that what we do, we do fucking well. Them writing a song about a fucking tree? Give me a fucking break! A thousand year old tree? Go fuck yourself!”

3 On what the public thinks of him…

“Loudmouth blagging gobshite from Manchester…and they’d be totally correct.”

2 On his emotions…

“I suppose I do get sad, but not for too long. I just look in the mirror and go, ‘What a good-looking fuck you are.’”

1 On tabloid reports that he had ridden a dog in a pub…

“I’ve rode a couple of fucking dogs in my life mate, leave it at that.”