The 50 Worst Album Titles Ever

Just because you can call an album ‘Hey Man, Smell My Finger’, doesn’t mean you should

50 Public Enemy, ‘Muse Sick-N-Hour Mess Age’ (1994)

Despite the title, this made it to number 20 in NME’s Albums Of 1994 list. It’s a laboured pun on ‘music and our message’, in case you were wondering.

49 Beyonce Knowles, ‘B-Day’ (2006)

Hur hur, sounds like ‘bidet’ etc.

48 The Unicorns, ‘Who Will Cut Our Hair When We’re Gone?’ (2003)

One of life’s less pressing questions.

47 ‘Miss E… So Addictive’ (2001)

Ecstasy is not physically addictive, so that ‘edgy’ drug reference doesn’t work, sorry.

46 Will Smith, ‘Big Willie Style’ (1997)

What was he trying to imply, exactly?

45 R.Kelly, ‘Chocolate Factory’ (2003)

Not to suggest that this is some kind of sexual reference… but what else could it be?

44 Emerson, Lake and Palmer, ‘Brain Salad Surgery’ (1973)

Prog rockers attempt arch surrealism. Fail.

43 Guns N’ Roses, ‘The Spaghetti Incident?’ (1993)

The title of this 1993 covers album, which has some pretty well-executed versions of tracks by New York Dolls and The Stooges, refers to a food fight between Axl Rose and erstwhile drummer Steven Adler.

42 Steps, ‘Steptacular’ (1999)

Craptacular.

41 Oasis, ‘Standing On The Shoulder Of Giants’ (2000)

Just the one shoulder then?

40 Alanis Morissette, ‘Supposed Former Infatuation Junkie’ (1998)

Seems bastardising the English language with her interpretation of irony wasn’t enough.

39 George Michael, ‘Listen Without Prejudice Vol. 1’ (1990)

It seemed the people did – this album got to number two in the US (kept off by MC Hammer) and spawned six hit singles. It also won Best Album at the Brits.

38 Nas, ‘Untitled (formerly Nigger)’ (2008)

Nas’ attempt to call his album ‘Nigger’ caused such a furore in the US his label Def Jam got a call from the White House ensuring they changed it.

37 Sparklehorse, ‘Vivadixiesubmarinetransmissionplot’ (1995)

This featured the tracks ‘850 Double Pumper Holley’, ‘Tears On Fresh Fruit’ and ‘Little Bastard Choo Choo’. Brilliant album though.

36 Coldplay, ‘Viva la Vida or Death and All His Friends’ (2008)

Why Chris Martin couldn’t choose one or the other is beyond us.

35 Mika, ‘Life in Cartoon Motion’ (2007)

A suitable title coming from the Roger Rabbit of modern pop.

34 Charlotte Church, ‘Tissues And Issues’ (2005)

Why does this make us think of teenage boys’ bedrooms?

33 REO Speedwagon, ‘The Earth, A Small Man, His Dog And A Chicken’ (1990)

The punchline to this had better be good. Oh, it’s not a joke.

32 Chumbawumba, ‘The Boy Bands Have Won, and All The Copyists and The Tribute Bands and The TV Talent Show Producers Have Won, If We Allow Our Culture To Be Shaped By Mimicry, Whether From Lack Of Ideas Or From Exaggerated Respect. You Should Never Try To…

… Freeze Culture. What You Can Do Is Recycle That Culture. Take Your Older Brother’s Hand-Me-Down Jacket and Re-Style It, Re-Fashion It to the Point Where It Becomes Your Own. But Don’t Just Regurgitate Creative History, Or Hold Art And Music And Literature As Fixed, Untouchable And Kept Under Glass. The People Who Try To ‘Guard’ Any Particular Form Of Music Are, Like The Copyists And Manufactured Bands, Doing It The Worst Disservice, Because The Only Thing That You Can Do To Music That Will Damage It Is Not Change It, Not Make It Your Own.

31 Fall Out Boy, ‘Evening Out With Your Girlfriend’ (2003)

Which would involve what, exactly? Hair-straightening and self-pity? Our girlfriend says no thanks.

30 Smashing Pumpkins, ‘Mellon Collie And The Infinite Sadness’ (1995)

Infinite sadness? Infinite pretension, more like.

29 Deep Purple, ‘Purpendicular’ (1996)

Deep Purple’s 15th studio album showed their propensity for a pun hadn’t wilted and neither had their shit taste in track titles, opening as it did with the classic ‘Vavoom: Ted the Mechanic’.

28 Toby Keith, ‘Shock’n Y’all’(2003)

This patriotic album by the gun-totin’, Taliban-hatin’ redneck rocker sold in excess of four million copies in the US.

27 Wet Wet Wet, ‘Popped In Souled Out’ (1987)

A double pun that misfires on so many levels.

26 Status Quo, ‘Picturesque Matchstickable Messages From the Status Quo’ (1968)

Featuring the uncharacteristically introspective song title, ‘Black Veils Of Melancholy’.

25 Keith Murray, ‘Rap-Murr-Phobia (The Fear Of Real Hip-Hop)’ (2007)

This one came out four years after the also brilliantly-named ‘He’s Keith Murray’.

24 The Flaming Lips, ‘The Day They Shot A Hole In The Jesus Egg: 1989-1991’ (2002)

The Futureheads took their name from The Flaming Lips’ ‘Hit To Death In The Future Head’, but we don’t see any bands called Jesus Egg…

23 Soulwax, ‘Most of the remixes we’ve made for other people over the years except for the one for Einstürzende Neubauten because we lost it and a few we didn’t think sounded good enough or just didn’t fit in length-wise, but including some that are hard…

…to find because either people forgot about them or simply because they haven’t been released yet, a few we really love, one we think is just ok, some we did for free, some we did for money, some for ourselves without permission and some for friends as swaps but never on time and always at our studio in Ghent’ (2007).

Did what it said on the tin…

22 Public Enemy, ‘How To Sell Your Soul To A Soulless People Who Sold Their Soul?’ (2007)

Tongue-teaser-tastic.

21 The Police, ‘Zenyatta Mondatta’ (1980)

Never one to shy away from pretentiousness, Sting’s band’s third album means ‘Top Of The World’ in Sanskrit.

20 Leonard Cohen, ‘Ten New Songs’ (2001)

Laughing Len gets no marks for effort.

19 Heavy Heavy Low Low, ‘Turtle Nipple and the Toxic Shock’ (2008)

Another album whose track names are almost as ridiculous as the album title itself, this opened with ‘Hahahahahahahaha’, ‘Giant Mantis Vs Turt Nip’, and ‘How Many Dads Must Eat Themselves?

18 Marnie Stern, ‘This Is It And I Am It And You Are It And So Is That And He Is It and She Is It and It Is It and That Is That’ (2008)

We think the upshot of this is that someone might be ‘it’ but we’re still not fully sure who.

17 Nelly Furtado, ‘Whoa Nelly!’ (2001)

Just makes us think of elephants on the loose.

16 Butthole Surfers, ‘Locust Abortion Technician’ (1987)

Combine the band name with the album title – plus a track called ‘Kuntz’ – and you have the biggest collection of bad taste this side of Kunt & The Gang.

15 Pete Townshend, ‘All The Best Cowboys Have Chinese Eyes’ (1982)

This album was criticised at the time for its use of synths, but we just can’t get past that terrible title.

14 Limp Bizkit, ‘Chocolate Starfish and the Hot Dog Flavored Water’ (2000)

Durst’s mob take puerile potty-humour to new depths

13 Fishbone, ‘Give a Monkey a Brain Transplant and He’ll Swear He’s the Centre of the Universe’ (1993)

While California’s ska-punk activists’ intentions were good, their choice of words wasn’t.

12 REO Speedwagon, ‘You Can Tune a Piano But You Can’t Tuna Fish’ (1978

And you should never use a pun in an album title.

11 Salt-n-Pepa, ‘A Salt With a Deadly Pepa’ (1988)

Another shocking pun. Assault with a deadly weapon, get it? Oh, never mind.

10 Genesis, ‘From Genesis to Revelation’ (1969)

The ultimate in prog-rock pomposity, two Biblical references in one title.

9 Fiona Apple, ‘When the Pawn Hits the Conflicts He Thinks Like a King What He Knows Throws the Blows When He Goes to the Fight and He’ll Win the Whole Thing ‘Fore He Enters the Ring There’s No Body to Batter When Your Mind Is Your Might So When You Go…

…Solo, You Hold Your Own Hand and Remember That Depth Is the Greatest of Heights and If You Know Where You Stand, Then You’ll Know Where to Land and If You Fall It Won’t Matter, Cuz You Know That You’re Right’ (1999).

Are you finished, Fiona?!

8 Elton John, ‘Captain Fantastic and the Brown Dirt Cowboy’ (1975)

When this album came out in 1975 it went straight to the top of the US chart, the first album to ever do that. It stayed there for seven weeks, despite the dodgy moniker.

7 The Butthole Surfers, ‘Hairway To Steven’ (1988)

Worst. Pun. Ever.

6 Mariah Carey, ‘Me. I Am Mariah…The Elusive Chanteuse’ (2014)

Possibly the first time ever that a woman who announces her presence by demanding a room full of doves has been called elusive.

5 Paul McCartney, ‘Kisses On The Bottom’ (2012)

How exactly do you go from The Beatles to this?

4 Dwarves, ‘Blood Guts & Pussy’ (1990)

What’s wrong with good old-fashioned sex, drugs, and rock and roll?

3 Westlife, ‘Allow Us To Be Frank’ (2004)

Passable, until you realise IT’S AN ALBUM OF SINATRA COVERS.

2 George Clinton, ‘Hey Man Smell My Finger’ (1993)

We’ll probably give it a miss actually, George.

1 Gary Glitter, ‘Touch Me’ (1973)

In retrospect, we’d rather not.