Billie Eilish opens up on past self-harming and depression: “I felt like I deserved to be in pain”

"Thirteen to 16 was pretty rough”

Billie Eilish has opened up on her past mental health struggles and suffering self-harm during her earlier teenage years.

In a new interview with Rolling Stone, the ‘Bad Guy’ pop star discussed sustaining a dance injury when she was 13 years old. The singer, who is now 17, said that she believes “that’s when the depression started”.

“It sent me down a hole,” she told the publication. “I went through a whole self-harming phase — we don’t have to go into it. But the gist of it was, I felt like I deserved to be in pain.

“It’s funny. When anyone else thinks about Billie Eilish at 14, they think of all the good things that happened. But all I can think of is how miserable I was. How completely distraught and confused. Thirteen to 16 was pretty rough.”

With the classes also triggering insecurities and confidence issues, Eilish said she was uncomfortable wearing “really tiny clothes” when taking part in dance lessons.

Billie Eilish performs live on the Rooftop at Pier 17 on June 12, 2019 in New York City

Billie Eilish performs live. Credit: Steven Ferdman/Getty Images

“I was always worried about my appearance,” she added. “That was the peak of my body dysmorphia. I couldn’t look in the mirror at all.”

Elsewhere in the chat, Eilish explained that she is now in a better place in terms of her mental health. “Seventeen has probably been the best year of my life,” she said. “I’ve liked 17.”

Speaking of how she relates to her young fans who are facing similar problems, the singer continued: “Sometimes I see girls at my shows with scars on their arms, and it breaks my heart. I don’t have scars anymore because it was so long ago. But I’ve said to a couple of them, ‘Just be nice to yourself.’ Because I know. I was there.”

Billie Eilish has been vocal on her mental health issues throughout her rise to fame. She recently revealed that her therapist is “the only person I can talk to”, while also delivering a powerful message via a new AdCouncil campaign.

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