TABLOID HELL – OCTOBER 3 2001

Plus - More Geri gubbins, Sting can't get anyone to come to his party, and Phil Collins gets tough. With himself...

The Star (October 3) reports that the rise in herbal tea drinking has been dubbed the Geri Halliwell effect. A spokesman for the British Phenomena Society Tabloid Hell: “This is a quite remarkable achievement. Ms Halliwell has already been credited with the not eating anything at all effect, the recording weak disco songs effect and the relentless pursuit of a man even though he’s gay and has a boyfriend effect. She contacted us claiming that she invented leap years and tidal waves, but we’d only credit her with causing earthquakes when she jumped on the spot, though she’s traded that in for the not eating anything at all phenomenon.”

The Star also finds time to tell the world that Sting has cancelled his birthday party in Morocco because he felt his American friends would be too scared to fly. They forget to mention that anyone would make any old excuse to get out ofSting‘s party and didn’t need the host to do it for them.

Meanwhile, The Mirror reports that Phil Collins, the man who won the 80s style wars by wearing sparkly jackets with the sleeves rolled up, has given himself a miserly 5% pay rise. The tight-fisted curmudgeonly middle of the road balladeer is understood to be really pissed off with himself for not writing any songs and not having any hits. A source close to Mr Collins told Tabloid Hell that he would be sacking himself if he didn’t improve his performance.

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