IT’S CRAPMASSSSSSS!!!!

They dress as mobile phones in desperate bit for Xmas/Millennium number one...

THE KLF‘s Jimmy Cauty has joined the race for the Christmas and millennium Number One slots with his new outfit Solid Gold ChartBusters and their track ‘1-2-1’.

The single, which features samples of mobile phones ringing and unknown vocalist Denise Palmer, was penned by Cauty and ‘Vindaloo’ co-writer/Pink Floyd (obviously a past-their-best lineup) ex-bassist Guy Pratt. It has been mixed by Oasis‘ current producer Mark ‘Spike’ Stent.

Cauty and Pratt, both dressed as mobile phones, and a host of stars including comedians Roland Rivron and The Fast Show‘s John Thomson, filmed the video on London Bridge last week. The promo also features a dummy of Tony Blair being thrown into the Thames.

Cauty explained: “It’s awful. Hear it once and that’s it, it’s all over. There is nothing vaguely hip, it’s just pure now, throwaway novelty pop.”

Apart from his work with The KLF, Cauty also hit Number One with ‘Doctorin’ The Tardis’ under the guise of The Timelords and he and musical partner Bill Drummond wrote the book The Manual, which instructed would-be stars on how to have a Number One.

‘1-2-1’, released next month on Virgin, is currently 16/1 to hit Number One at Christmas, and 100/1 to stay there until the millennium.

The closing date for sales for the Christmas chart is December 19 and the last sales for the New Year chart will be taken on Boxing Day, meaning that Christmas contenders will be released earlier than usual. As a result, even though Blur‘s new single ‘No Distance Left To Run’ was released on Monday (November 8), it’s 50/1 to be Number One at both Christmas and New Year.

Catatonia‘s Cerys Matthews and Tom Jones, with their cover of ‘Baby It’s Cold Outside’, are offered slightly better odds of 14/1 to hit the top spot for the entire festive season and a dance remix of ’80s poodle rockers Europe’s ‘The Final Countdown’ is 33/1 to manage the same feat.

The odds-on favourites are predictable with Westlife at 2/1 to be Number One at Christmas and New Year, Steps at 5/1 at Christmas and 6/1 at New Year, with runners-up including S Club 7, Robbie Williams and Cliff Richard, whose single features him singing The Lord’s Prayer to the tune of ‘Auld Lang Syne’ and which Radio 2 will not playlist.

The Lightning Seeds are 66/1 for both charts and Pulp, who are not currently considering rereleasing ‘Disco 2000’, according to their spokesperson, have been given odds of 66/1 of seeing in the Year 2000 at the top of the charts. Bookies William Hill will not give odds on the BBC’s multi-star charity cover of The Rolling Stones‘It’s Only Rock And Roll’.

A quarter of the year’s album sales are made in December and double the number of singles are sold then than in any other month.