TABLOID HELL – SEPTEMBER 3 2001

Plus - Posh signs for Lazio, Hear'say fall asleep and well done Northern Ireland...

Kylie has trounced Posh.

According to the Daily Star (September 3), Miss Minogue steamed ahead of her would-be chart rival using a carefully constructed plan. At a huge outdoor show over the weekend, “she played TWO tunes to Victoria’s one,” explains The Star. The devious ploy worked on unsuspecting fans. “Kylie oozes sex appeal. She is so warm compared with icy Posh,” an “impressed onlooker drooled”. Posh, who used to be in Five Star but left to play midfield for Spurs because she loves London, is probably in pieces now. It was Kylie, as Tabloid Hell revealed, who feared giving head to Posh until she learned she only had to go head to head with her. Now Posh, who was sold to Lazio FC because she said in her book that she liked to wear her husband’s underwear, is inconsolable. “That Kylie pulled the oldest trick in the book,” a source should say. “Victoria had one song ready and Kylie said she did too. But she had really had two ready. And she fucking played them both. How do you counter something like that. It’s like the Russians leading the allies into Berlin – it’s a move of brave strategic genius. But when it hits you, it just takes the wind out of your sails. I hope Victoria can bounce back from this, but I’m not sure. I’m sick, I don’t mind telling you.”

and “add booze to the equation and its pure debauchery”. They also reveal that… well, much the same as last week and the same as tomorrow.

Finally, congratulations to the boys on their triumphant result at the weekend. Travelling to a European country that used to be a bit of a powerhouse in football and managing to take points from them on their home-turf is cause indeed for celebration. So once again, well done Northern Ireland on taking that point from the Danish.

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