Plus - David Cassidy comeback tour shock, Noel Gallagher does his washing and gay actor Rupert Everett goes to a gay club...

Madonna and Guy have found a house.

The pair have settled, says The Star (August 8), on a farm in Wiltshire. The find will come as a relief to the pair, who have been forced to stay in a number of hostels and on friends’ floors since they became man and wife to each behind closed doors on a hill in Scotland. So keen are they to own the property that they have agreed to pay for it. A prospective neighbour contacted Tabloid Hell to express his delight. “It’s bloody marvellous,” he said.

flat. “Breaking point came when Madonna had several of her band and backing singers from her current record-breaking world tour, in which she wears a kilt and plays the guitar, back for an aftershow party. One of the dancers dropped an ashtray and well…,” a source might explain.

Elsewhere, David Cassidy would like to apologise to you all. According to the Daily Express, his management company (which also manages Engelbert Humperdinck) sold tickets to his comeback tour without his consent. “I never committed to these dates,” explains the once sought after 70s icon and pin-up to some people, most of whom were young girls. “They were booked and advertised without my knowledge or consent.” Though it is of little comfort at this time, fans can rest knowing that the management company has one less client today. And that one less is not Engelbert Humperdinck. Being a kind and considerate forgotten 70s pin-up, Cassidy always thinks of others. Tabloid Hell understands he is delighted that Madonna has found a new house.

The Mirror’s Ever Vigilant 3am Girls today reveal that Noel Gallagher was spotted carrying dry cleaning in London near where he lives. It is unclear if the clothes where freshly laundered or were about to become freshly laundered. They also reveal that gay actor Rupert Everett was spotted in a gay club.

Finally, Wales has become a dumping ground for oddballs, social misfits and dropouts. So says the vice-president of Plaid Cymru, Gwilym ab loan. Catatonia, of course, come from Wales.

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