Greatest living Englishwoman on cooking, the Redlands bust and an unspecified act of revenge...

Which song describes you best?

“My own ‘Vagabond Ways’. I like singing it and it’s all about me.”

What is heaven?

“Heaven is the right here and now. There is nowhere else to go.”

What is hell?

“Hell is right here and now too. Particularly in this hotel in Stuttgart where I am now.”

What is your earliest memory?

“It was a dream from a picture book I must have had, all these animals on a train, like giraffes and elephants and things, but I’d never seen them before and I’d never seen a train before. Then my mum came and woke me up to change my nappy. I don’t think I was even a year old.”

What is your greatest fear?

“Being really broke. Again.”

Who is your all-time hero?

Keith Richards.”

What’s the worst trouble you’ve been in?

“The Redlands bust (When police arrested Mick Jagger and Keith Richards for drug possession at Keith’s Redlands mansion in 1967). That was when I was with Mick. That whole scene was the most horrible experience of my life, not because of us, but because the News Of The World were there, the cops were there, it was just awful. Then that rumour started about me and the Mars bar. It was the cops who started it, I’m sure. Nice chaps.”

Who was the first love of your life?

“My mum.”

What’s your greatest talent?

“That I can make that connection with an audience. I’m pretty good in the studio too.”

Upon whom would you most like to exact revenge? Why? How?

“I can’t tell you because it’s happening right now! It’s a big, big, big thing coming. There’s going to be trouble. Somebody had better watch out. I can’t tell you any more, but you’ll soon find out.”

What’s your most treasured possession?

“My new coat. It’s purple mohair, with purple fur around it. It’s just so beautiful. It’s Christian Lacroix. Oh, and I must say it’s fake fur, or Stella (McCartney) will kill me!”

What have you most regretted doing while drunk?

“When I get drunk, I just talk complete bullshit. I get rather embarrassed about that. When you see your friends doing it, you realise what you must be like.”

What can you cook?

“Practically anything! I like doing roast lamb stuffed with garlic, and I’ve got all my veggie stuff that I can do, and I’m a very good shepherd’s pie person. I do a mean souffli too.”

What’s the best piece of advice you’ve received?

“Be yourself.”

Can you read music?

“A bit.”

If you were invisible for a day, what would you do?

“I think I’d serve up the revenge bit that I told you about earlier myself.”

If you had three final wishes, what would they be?

“Health. I’d make sure my son and his wife and their children are alright. And that I maintain all the love in my life that I have.”