Yep, it's another day of utter tosh...hurrah!...

The Sun this morning asks who’s that girl with Marilyn Manson, as they lust over the “cracking bird” saying: “Weirdo Marilyn – real name, ahem, Brian – and his mystery lady made a ghostly-looking couple on a date at London’s trendy Met Bar.”

Well, dear Bizarre chums, Tabloid Hell is pleased to exclusively reveal to ya’s that it is in fact American “actress” – of a saucy nature – Dita Von Teese, who was also with Maz when he went for a groove at the Torture Garden club at a converted church in Brixton on Saturday night (January 20). And NME.COM’s sources can further reveal that Ms Teese has been “comforting” Manson in true tabloid style for around two weeks since he split from Rose McGowan. So there.

Madonna has been espousing the joys of the English monarchy and pubs, not necessarily in that order, in German mag In Style, reported in various red-tops this morning.

darling, you’re slurring your cool…

Scotland’s Daily Record has exclusive first photos of ex-Atomic Kitten Kerry Katona and Bryan McFadden of Westlife’s “#1 million lovenest” in Delgany, just south of Dublin. They’ve snapped up the showhouse with five bedrooms. Expecting a litter, it seems.

The Star, meanwhile, has plucked former Prodigy star Leeroy Thornhill from the backwaters of obscurity, handily a month before the release of his Flightcrank project’s ‘Beyond All Reasonable Doubt’ album, and has him today declaring: “I lost Cox and locks,” on a story over how his hair fell out with the stress of leaving the band and splitting from Radio 1 DJ girlfriend Sara Cox. “At the time I developed a bald patch and my hair fell out. I thought to myself, ‘This kind of stuff just doesn’t happen to me.'” Awww Leeroy. It doesn’t happen to Elton John either, honest.