More Millennium secrets...

Where will you be spending New Year’s Eve this year?

Usually alone as possible, Scottish style.

What do you feel about the coming of the new Millennium?

Eager, smug and positive as the overrated new Towers of Babel will collapse and all tosh hits the fan.

What’s your favourite invention of the last 1000 years?

The tin hat and the tin-opener.

What hasn’t been invented yet that should have been?

Anti-interference and scanner device.

You’ve got 90 minutes to live before the Y2K apocalypse – what’s on your stereo?

‘The Guns Of Navarone’ on vinyl 45 by the Skatalites.

If we survive, how will you celebrate New Year’s Day and what will your resolutions be for the rest of the year?

Bonfire of rubbish, invoke curses, five new works, wait for shops to open, fireworks (real), shooting gallery (with catapults), torment men who talk like Alastair Cooke, start reminding music industry to start start work before February. Hope this okay! All the best to you and staff for Xmas, bar lick-spittle Wells.