The four horsemen of the apocalypse headline Glastonbury and much hilarity ensues...

Ian Brown signs a new deal with Death Row records after recording a track with SUGE KNIGHT

Glastonbury is visited by rain, hail, a plague of locusts and the angel of death claims all the first-born at the site. Thousands die from an outbreak of black death and – literally – Hell erupts from beneath the earth covering the entire site in molten lava. “I can’t see what people are complaining about,” MICHAEL EAVIS says. “All the people that I met said that this was the best Glastonbury yet.”

REGULAR FRIES are dubbed The Unhealthiest Band In Britain after decades of hard living literally catch up with them on tour, with the band suffering from cirrhosis of the liver, DTs, cholera and Beri Beri, a rare tropical disease that makes the tip of your nose fall off. It also transpires that one of them suffered a brain haemorrhage and didn’t notice, carrying on the gig regardless…


PAUL WELLER plays a charity gig that will definitely be the last of the year. Noel joins him to play two acoustic songs…

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