A, well, personal view...


Life at the start of the millennium was rubbish. And so was the music. The peasants slogged their guts out, knee-deep in pig shit in the mangel-wurzel fields for 18 hours a day and then, back in their mud huts, they entertained themselves with – ugh – folk music. And then the Normans arrived and things got worse.


The Normans had two types of music. One was the ballad which was played by minstrels on a misshapen and unelectrified guitar called a lute. The other was monks whipping themselves and mumbling tunelessly. For fucking hours. Brilliant.


Fuck all happened for the next 600 years and then it went a bit mental. The Italians invented opera and the Germans invented classical music