Ryan Adams has said that he felt like his accusers of sexual misconduct were “asking [him] to die”.
Seven women levelled accusations against the US singer-songwriter in 2019, including Phoebe Bridgers and his ex-wife Mandy Moore. Adams issued a lengthy apology for his “harmful behaviour” last summer and recently pleaded for a “second chance” in music.
Speaking of the claims coming to light and the subsequent fallout, the musician told Los Angeles Magazine in a new interview that he felt like his accusers “were asking me to die”.
He continued: “So I’m losing my life’s work, and my dream of who I am, my ability to provide for myself. And I now don’t have the emotional support to help fix this. The door has slammed and what am I going to do?”
The allegations made against Adams first appeared in a report by The New York Times, which he explained led to some of his friends and colleagues cutting ties. He told Los Angeles Magazine it was like a “swarm of birds, and they all turn at the same time”, adding that he was left in “fucking shock”.
“I couldn’t sleep. Anxiety made me so sick. I couldn’t fix it,” he said. “I was functional in that I kept my house OK, and my cats were OK. But I was not well.”
Responding to the accusations, Adams told the publication that he “wasn’t willfully trying to destroy anybody’s life” with his behaviour. The New York Times‘ report accused him of being “manipulative, obsessive and controlling”.
“My actions as a human being, where I was on stage or in the studio the majority of all this time, endlessly working on records, does not leave this gaping huge hole of time for me to be walking around like a romantic supervillain,” Adams told LAM.
Asking for “a second chance to make some music” on Instagram last month, the musician said he was “months from losing my label, studio and my home”.
“I’m 46 and scared I’m gonna be living in my sister’s basement,” he wrote. “If you are a label and interested please let me know.”
Adams released his first album in the wake of the allegations last December with ‘Wednesdays’, the first of a trio of albums expected in 2019 before the claims emerged. He followed that up with his 18th solo album ‘Big Colors’, which arrived last month.