Plus - The return of the incredible shrinking woman (hurrah!), Jarvis Cocker gets off a bus seat near where he lives and scary iguanas...

Those S Club girls… it’s all hairstyles and dresses.

Sometimes, you just wonder where they get their energy from.

“I don’t know where they get their energy from,” japes Paul (known as Paul from S Club 7) in today’s Daily Star (June 5). “They must spend five hours a day discussing hairstyles and dresses,” he adds in his tour diary.

It seems that their nationwide trek is taking a terrible toll. Bradley, who previously had a problem with mobile telephones (he had two, neither of which worked), is recovering from a sore throat. Tina is laid low with a cold and Jo, who communes with foxes and sees aliens where sometimes there aren’t any, has pulled a muscle. But don’t fear. They will soldier on.

Westlife are also getting the tour DTs. According to The Sun, big Bryan McFadden has been told that if he flies he could lose his hearing – which seems like a rather stern and heavy-handed approach by the pro-sailing lobby. Apparently, Big Bry’s “ear infection has thrown the group’s tour of Asia into chaos”. But don’t panic, because while he rests in the East the others will carry on as a four-piece. They will be reunited for a concert in Barcelona on Friday (June 8). Which will of course delight Kian Egan, because as well as practising his Spanish and picking up more magic realism classics, (the chap, remember, simply adores Gabriel Garcia Marquez), he can pursue a growing interest in 20th century hyper-surrealistic art by visiting several Gaudi buildings and monuments and of course eat tapas.

Meanwhile, the Incredible Shrinking Woman is back – hurrah. After an absence of at least four days from Tabloid Hell , which until today had felt like four days, she is pictured in the Daily Star – taking a picture in a Venetian plaza. She is really.

Apparently her delightful sealhonk-like rendition of ‘It’s Raining Men’ is quite a hit with the Italians, sitting as it is at Number Two on their hit parade. And quite extraordinarily, where Geri is standing, it is quite literally, raining men. Several people passing by appear to be injured quite badly, though the Incredible Shrinking Woman herself is skipping around them in some legwarmers and pumps. Okay, it isn’t literally raining men – though two men can be seen in the foreground of the photo – and Geri is wearing a polka-dot frock. Without legwarmers. It looks very nice.

, has had his cock pierced. They claim he wanted his tongue done. Which demonstrates shocking anatomical inaccuracy on the part of the piercer.

The beagle-nosed trio, who can sense a scoop from several miles away and are thought by some observers to be the best scoopers in the world… ever, also reveal that Jarvis Cocker gave up his seat on a bus. In Clerkenwell, east London. Near where he lives. He might have been getting off the bus.

Finally, [url=], no slouches when it comes to story hooks at any time, surpassed themselves yesterday with a headline that read ‘Norwegian Pedestrian Chased By Iguana’.

It seems that Kjell Thore Jacobsen was leaving his flat in Trondheim when he spotted the creature. it hissed at him and chased him. He hid until the emergency services took it away.

“I thought someone was having fun with me, by putting an electric fake iguana on the ground… Of course I was scared,” raged Mr Jacobsen.

In fact the headline is much more amusing than the actual tale.

Perhaps that’s enough for today.

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