Plus - Does the devil really have all the best tunes?, why Natalie Imbruglia's mad at Robbie and no 3am Girls whatsoever...

Steps have crossed over to the other side.

The popular so-called five-piece, who count three women and two men in their number but oddly none of them can whistle, have been enjoying trips to castles to commune with the dead. The Daily Star (November 5) reports that during the filming of a video for new single ‘Words Are Not Enough’ the thrash metallers awoke unquiet spirits. The news has sent moderate ghost watchdogs into a frenzy. One such guardian says: “Steps have been playing with the dark side for a little too long. They have been into white magic for some time and like burning candles and sitting in circles holding hands asking if anybody is there and that Lee one makes spells that make peoples hair fall out and such like. But on recent records there has been a change. If you play their version of ‘Tragedy’ backwards at 33rpm you can clearly hear Claire chanting: ‘Satan is a great big fella. He throws a great party’. This is sending the wrong signal out to children and impressionable adults.

Steps should know better. I hear Faye is desperate to leave because she lives in fear of Lisa. Lisa sacrificed a goat before a recent gig and I think that may have been the last straw. When Faye spoke up, Lisa just laughed and smeared some of the goat’s liver on her forehead. The make-up woman was able to cover it up before they took to the stage. Lisa says the devil looks a bit like Charlton Heston, but that he doesn’t have all the best tunes. He’s into line-dancing, I believe, which is probably how Steps met him in the first place.”

, a neat play on my last album title and a means of making some money. Why not call a plumber. I’m sure I have a number somewhere.’

Natalie, understandably, went mental with purple rage. It was a really inconsiderate, selfish reaction from Robbie Williams . A while before that, Natalie noticed a bulb had blown above the mirror in the bathroom. She rang Robbie Williams to ask if he could come over to fix it and he said, ‘Sorry Natalie. I’m in Glasgow at the moment about to take to the stage for the latest show in my sold-out arena tour of the UK. There are 10,000 people waiting for me to entertain them – that’s a little joke the band I share sometimes. Bulbs can be quite easy to replace, though. Tell me if it’s a screw-bulb or a bayonet and I’ll talk you through it. But you’d need to be quick. I really have to get on soon. I can hear the band starting.

“By the way, did I tell you about my idea of re-inventing myself as a Frank Sinatra-style crooner and releasing an album of big tunes and making a play on my last album title as the new title…’. Understandably, Natalie was so angry she was gasping for air. She didn’t hang on to hear about his pathetic new little record.”

Email Or click here for a list of the chores Natalie has for Robbie.