"Everything looks different, even music doesn’t sound the same. I feel like I’m losing my mind"
Rapper Tricky has said that music doesn’t even sound the same” since the death of his daughter.
The musician’s daughter Mazy Topley-Bird, herself a musician, died in May at the age of 24 – a moment which he describes as the “day my world ended”.
“One of the biggest problems with my daughter is that I’ve never loved anybody that much before,” Tricky told The Guardian in a new interview. “I was there at her birth. And all of a sudden I started feeling things. And it was too much for me. Because I was emotionally numb, and it was easier for me to get through life being emotionally numb, but then suddenly I was feeling things. I’ve lost people before, like grandmothers, but I’ve bounced back.”
He continued: “This is different. Everything looks different, even music doesn’t sound the same. I feel like I’m losing my mind. I was in Islington yesterday and I was hoping I was going to see her, hoping she’s gonna walk up to me.”
Tricky, real name Adrian Nicholas Matthews Thaws, worked on some of Massive Attack’s earliest efforts before rising to fame in his own right during the 1990s. He had his daughter with former partner musician Martina Topley-Bird. She was a member of the Guildford collective 404. An inquiry is currently being held into the cause of her death.
He explained that he is currently going through therapy to deal with his daughters’ loss, describing the experience as “really good”.
Prior to his daughter’s death, the 51-year-old musician also believed that his late mother – who died when he was four – was keeping watch over him.
“I did believe that. Until May 8 this year. Because that was the day my world ended,” he said. “So if she was supposed to be looking after me, what the fuck’s happened?”
He added: “I’ve lost my belief. Hopefully I will get it back.”
The musician, who released his acclaimed debut solo album ‘Maxinquaye’ in 1995, will release autobiography Hell Is Round The Corner on October 31.
In August this year, he also delivered a hard-hitting remix of Idles’ Colossus.
For help and advice on mental health:
- ‘Am I depressed?‘ – Help and advice on mental health and what to do next
- Help Musicians UK – Around the clock mental health support and advice for musicians
- Music Support Org – Help and support for musicians struggling with alcoholism, addiction, or mental health issues
- YOUNG MINDS – The voice for young people’s health and wellbeing
- CALM – The Campaign Against Living Miserably for young men
- Time To Change – Let’s end mental health discrimination
- The Samaritans – Confidential support 24 hours a day