Plus - Manchester United players' love of arthouse cinema discovered, a mentalist nicks money from a monkey sanctuary to follow Cliff Richard and Daniel O'Donnell, and a Bob Geldof update...
Becks has intervened.
The Sun (September
19) reports that in a bid to boost the flagging sales of his wife
Posh’s single, he has urged friends to buy copies.
Posh, real name Posh Spice, has gone head to
head with Antipodean Pixie dwarf woman lady-girl Kylie
Minogue, better known as Kylie, in a race for the coveted
top Number One spot in the nation’s chart of best selling singles but not albums.
who is actually 6′ 2” but wears low shoes in order to promote her sexy image, is
currently 828,000 sales ahead of Posh, who used to play midfield
for Spurs but left because her manager, Glam
Hoddle, didn’t like her. Tabloid
Hell has been presented with a tape-recording of a conversation that never
happened between Becks and his Manchester
United midfield general and guru Roy Keane. “The thing
is Roy, I feel as disengaged by these fatuous ‘chart battles’ as
the next man. It does not take a sophisticated thinker to realise that the
battles are nothing more than a cynical ploy dreamed up by industry bosses to
inflate interest, promote sales and boost flagging revenues. I don’t even like
the records – I’m more of a Sibelius man myself, even a little
Shoshtakovich – but I have to support Victoria.
Listen, could you and the rest of the boys maybe buy a couple of singles, boost
sales a little, that sort of thing. I’ll get you a couple of tickets to that
Jean-Luc Godard retrospective about to open at the
NFT. Go on…”
Elsewhere, Cliff Richard and
Daniel O’Donnell have become embroiled with some monkeys and a
troublesome fan. According to The Sun, Sara-Jane
Samways, a mentalist, stole £50,000 from the monkey sanctuary
where she worked to follow the pair of louche lounge lizards around on tours. She
also filled her Bournemouth home with scarves and T-shirts of
the two. While Tabloid Hell has been
unable to contact either Mr Richard or the other one, a
different fan of the pair was livid when she heard the news. “Well, that’s just
bloody typical. I bet she’s not really a Cliff fan – I’m a
Cliff fan. It’s the Daniel fans who are
blinking well touched. They follow him every blinking where. He even invites them
round for tea in his house. They’d go every night on a ten-month tour and even
try to bring him along for their novenas and rosaries. There’s a woman from
Castlerock who swears he cured her legs by singing at them. She
had been due to go to Lourdes but used the money saved to follow
him around on tour. Cliff fans aren’t like that. I never go to
see him more than once a week, maybe twice during the holidays. And I’d never
blinking well ring him anymore. I’m 63, you know.”
The Mirror’s Ever
Vigilant 3am Girls today reveal that Bob Geldof seen
buying a book in the kids section of a bookshop along with his young daughter.
Yesterday, they revealed that Geldof ate lunch in restaurant.
Email Tabloidhell@nme.com. Or click
here for free sandwiches.