Where do the days go, eh? It's the end of another week here on NME.com and what a week it's been. First up in our rollercoaster recap of the best stories from the 168 hours (I had to get a calculator to work that one out) is Kanye West, who it was reported had bought 10 Burger King branches across Europe as a gift for Kim Kardashian. Next week: Bone Thugs-n-Harmony take over a Nandos in Croydon.
New photos emerged this week showing the gross state of Kurt Cobain and Courtney Love's LA apartment. Turns out the pair were pretty, pretty messy. Who knew? In one particularly squalid snap, Kurt poses with a parrot perched on his head. So that's where got the song 'Polly' from!
The New York Police Department - or 'NYPD!' to give it its cooler, gruffer acronym - was forced to pay out a settlement to aspiring rapper Sauce Da Boss after officers made him "rhyme for his freedom" during a routine arrest. Interesting sidenote - Sauce Da Boss is probably the only MC in history who's rap name is duller than his real name: Quinshon Shingles.
Damon Albarn has claimed heroin made him "incredibly creative". Then again, such is his effortless creative excellence, you could probably chop off all the Blur man's limbs, lock him in a cage and fill him full of enough tranquilizers to knock out an elephant and he'd still make a masterpiece out of the sound of him dribbling over himself and banging his head on the bars.
An album of metal cover versions of Florence + the Machine songs is on it's way. 'Florence + the Sphinx' will feature gnarly reinterpretations of songs from across the singer's two album, after organiser Ash Avildsen called 'Ceremonials' "one of the heaviest records in years to me… not in the sense of metal and aggressive vocals/guitars/drums, but in how the songs make you feel." Bring the noise.
The Black Keys announced their upcoming eighth studio album 'Turn Blue' - via retired boxer Mike Tyson's Twitter. Here's hoping round eight is a real knockout listen, hey? Hey guys? Ha! See what I did there? Ah, forget it.
Also this week, in a desperate attempt to prove he's "down with the kids", Secretary for Education and all-round snakey lizard man Michael Gave gave a rendition of the Wham Rap to school children. As if ruining their education and in turn hopes, dreams and future prospects wasn't enough.
Good news: Wu-Tang Clan are releasing a new album! Bad news: there'll only be one copy of 'Shaolin', kept under lock and guard in a specially crafted box, which will be toured around museums before the band sell it for $1m. Bet Facebook's Mark Zuckerberg regrets buying virtual reality gaming platform Oculus Rift earlier this week now - he could have bought a new Wu album all for himself...
Hey academics! Throw away your philosophy text books, because you can now study Miley Cyrus as a legitimate scholarly pursuit. Yep, a college in America is offering students a class in 'The Sociology of Miley Cyrus'. Not Twerking 101, then.
The year is 2014. We've landed men on the moon. Split the atom. Almost cured cancer. And yet, still, humanity is no closer to a way of booking gig tickets for a big event that doesn't resemble a frantic, stressful, painful cyber stampede. Over 80,000 for Kate Bush's residency at the Hammersmith Apollo were snapped up in 15 minutes, meaning heartbreak for fans who missed out.
Bookmakers have made Metallica favourites fill the remaining Main Stage headliner slot at this year's Glastonbury, amid whispers the final lineup announcement won't be made till late April. Hopefully alongside fuel, fire and everything he desires, James Hetfield will also remember to bring a pair of wellies.
In other Glasto news, Black Keys (them again!) and Lana Del Rey both were added to the Glastonbury bill this week, as June gets ever closer. WE'RE COMING FOR YOU, WORTHY FARM! Not long now...
The NME Awards Tour 2014 ended with a bang on Thursday at London's Brixton Academy. Shout out to the genius fans behind the brilliant chant, "We built this city on Interpooool!"
Jarvis Cocker weighed into the BBC 3 debate, after controllers announced plans to close the channel down. "We shouldn't be too bothered" if the station is shut, the Pulp man said. Not a fan of Family Guy repeats then presumably, our Jarvis.
Beady Eye performed 'Champagne Supernova' live in Japan, proving no matter how surly Liam's comments about the upcoming 'Definitely Maybe' reissue were, the guy still loves Oasis. How about a reunion tour, LG?