15 Things We Learned This Week (7/3/14)

1
 

Police video of Justin Bieber giving a urine sample for a drug test after his arrest in Miami was released by prosecutors on Thursday, because AMERICA. Literally the sight of a pop star pissing his career away, it’s his best release yet, if you ask us.

2
 

A news story circulating this week that claimed Kurt Cobain’s old roommate was selling the former Nirvana frontman’s belongings on Craigslist, including a telephone and set of skis, was confirmed to be a hoax. We should have known really – can you really picture Kurt popping over the Alps on a weekend break to tear up the slopes? Us neither. Never mind.

3
 

Coldplay announced their sixth studio album will be arriving in May. Titled ‘Ghost Stories’, its title’s a marked improvement on 2011’s ‘Mylo Xyloto’, which sounded like some kind of dyslexic Pokemon.

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4
 

Nick Grimshaw was hospitalised after swallowing glass in the middle of his BBC Radio 1 show. Reports the stunt was a bloody, throat-scratching homage to 2004 Bloc Party album track ‘Like Eating Glass’ are so far unconfirmed.

5
 

Cash Money rapper Lil Wayne has reportedly forgotten to handover over any of his cash money earnings to the IRS, leaving him a tax bill that now tops $12m. Oh Wayne.

6
 

Peter Hook launched a verbal attack on former bandmate Bernard Sumner this week, labelling him a ‘twatto’ for touring New Order’s greatest hits without him. Were there a greatest hits of insults, that’d definitely be in there.

7
 

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Jared Leto – the only person in history to celebrate winning an Oscar by announcing a mammoth US tour with Linkin Park. The 30 Second To Mars man, who won Best Supporting Actor for his turn in Dallas Buyers Club, hits the road for 25 dates with the nu-metallers in August. Presumably not in his dapper Oscars suit, but who knows.

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8
 

The Killers and Justin Timberlake are to headline this year’s V Festival, it was announced this week. And don’t they just look delighted at the news?

9
 

Finally, we need to talk about Kevin McCallister: Macaulay Culkin is to bring his pizza-themed Velvet Underground tribute band the Pizza Underground to the UK in May, kicking off their tour at Shoreditch’s Concrete – located, fittingly, underground, beneath a pizzaria. See you down the front for a slice of the action, y’all.

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