50 hilariously awful attempts at sexy album covers

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Lady Gaga looks like she’s awkwardly perching on a circuit board in a new promo shot for her upcoming album ‘ARTPOP’. It made us think: what are other hilarious attempts at sexy album covers?

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Luke Solo – ‘I Got Shit On My Mind’

Luke Solo – ‘I Got Shit On My Mind’

Luke Solo – ‘I Got Shit On My Mind’
Album name: poor. Album sleeve: worse. Toilets take any amount of sexy out of a situation.

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Dwarves – ‘Come Clean’

Dwarves – ‘Come Clean’

Dwarves – ‘Come Clean’
Picture Disc. Interesting. But not even nearly sexy.

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4
Primitiva – ‘Martin Denny’

Primitiva – ‘Martin Denny’

Primitiva – ‘Martin Denny’
Martin Denny’s first six albums featured the model Sandy Warner on the covers. Never has water looked so, erm, sexy.

5
Grace Jones – ‘Island Life’

Grace Jones – ‘Island Life’

Grace Jones – ‘Island Life’
We’re not entirely sure what Grace Jones is aiming for with this, but it’s actually kinda amazing.

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Heavenly – ‘Carpe Diem’

Heavenly – ‘Carpe Diem’

Heavenly – ‘Carpe Diem’
There really are no words for this. Cliched as hell.

7
Madonna – ‘Hard Candy’

Madonna – ‘Hard Candy’
Oh Madonna. This is terrible. And that font…

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Steel Panther – ‘Balls Out’

Steel Panther – ‘Balls Out’

Steel Panther – ‘Balls Out’
You don’t even need to look at this sleeve to have a pretty good idea..

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Red Hot Chili Peppers – ‘Mothers Milk’

Red Hot Chili Peppers – ‘Mothers Milk’
Disappointing, RHCP. You’ve made some great album covers over the course of your career. Oh, wait…

10
Scorpions – ‘Lovedrive’

Scorpions – ‘Lovedrive’

Scorpions – ‘Lovedrive’
Bubblegum never has been and never will be sexy.

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Katy Perry – ‘Teenage Dream’

Katy Perry – ‘Teenage Dream’

Katy Perry – ‘Teenage Dream’
Katy’s head is in the clouds with this one. Who knows what she was thinking.

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12
Roger Waters – ‘The Pros & Cons Of Hitchhiking’

Roger Waters – ‘The Pros & Cons Of Hitchhiking’
Roger’s album sleeves include a wall, a light prism, and… a naked hitchhiker. A low point.

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Great White – ‘Hooked’

Great White – ‘Hooked’

Great White – ‘Hooked’
This situation could go disastrously wrong. The album art already did,

14
Shakira – ‘Oral Fixation’

Shakira – ‘Oral Fixation’
Just give him the apple, Shakira! Put him out of his misery!

15
Ohio Players – ‘Honey’

Ohio Players – ‘Honey’

Ohio Players – ‘Honey’
The real question here is why is the honey glowing?

16
Rollins Band – ‘Nice’

Rollins Band – ‘Nice’

Rollins Band – ‘Nice’
Not ‘Nice’. Not at all.

17
‘Music To Massage Your Mate By’ (Compilation)

‘Music To Massage Your Mate By’ (Compilation)

‘Music To Massage Your Mate By’ (Compilation)
Massage your “mate”. Right…

18
Jim Post – ‘I Love My Life’

Jim Post – ‘I Love My Life’

Jim Post – ‘I Love My Life’
I’m sure you do love your life, Jim, with a ‘tache like that. Just leave it off an album cover..

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Prince – ‘Lovesexy’

Prince – ‘Lovesexy’
Interesting placing of the stamen here.

20
Tino Fernandez – ‘Por Primera Vez’

Tino Fernandez – ‘Por Primera Vez’

Tino Fernandez – ‘Por Primera Vez’
The shorts, Tino! What were you thinking?

21
Cher – ‘Take Me Home’

Cher – ‘Take Me Home’
For all who follow Cher on Twitter, sleeves like this aren’t a surprise.

22
Ted Nugent – ‘Love Grenade’

Ted Nugent – ‘Love Grenade’

Ted Nugent – ‘Love Grenade’
Whatever this is, it doesn’t belong anywhere near an album cover, and is one million percent not sexy.

23
Trina – ‘Da Baddest Bitch’

Trina – ‘Da Baddest Bitch’

Trina – ‘Da Baddest Bitch’
The guy’s clearly in trouble, Trina. No time for such a pose.

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Whitesnake – ‘Lovehunter’

Whitesnake – ‘Lovehunter’

Whitesnake – ‘Lovehunter’
Snake. Naked woman. Not sexy. End.

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Hot R.S. – ‘Forbidden Fruit’

Hot R.S. – ‘Forbidden Fruit’

Hot R.S. – ‘Forbidden Fruit’
The fruit’s forbidden, and the album cover should be too.

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Diebold & Co – ‘Set Me Free’

Diebold & Co – ‘Set Me Free’

Diebold & Co – ‘Set Me Free’
The pearls! The pearls!

27
Lil Kim – ‘La Bella Mafia’

Lil Kim – ‘La Bella Mafia’

Lil Kim – ‘La Bella Mafia’
A shady nighttime dealing, and Lil’ Kim wearing a necklace with her own name on it. Sure…

28
Ohio Players – ‘Graduation’

Ohio Players – ‘Graduation’

Ohio Players – ‘Graduation’
Congratulations on the graduation. The album cover? C-.

29
Kevin Rowland – ‘My Beauty’

Kevin Rowland – ‘My Beauty’

Kevin Rowland – ‘My Beauty’
There are hundreds of words to describe this sleeve. Sexy ain’t one of them..

30
Boned – ‘Up At The Crack’

Boned – ‘Up At The Crack’

Boned – ‘Up At The Crack’
Band name, album name and album cover: all terrible. Sorry.

31
Herb Alpert’s Tijuana Brass – ‘Whipped Cream & Other Delights’

Herb Alpert’s Tijuana Brass – ‘Whipped Cream & Other Delights’

Herb Alpert’s Tijuana Brass – ‘Whipped Cream & Other Delights’
Being drenched in whipped cream does look fun, but a dress made of the stuff? Not sexy at all.

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Sweet P – ‘I Toast Myself’

Sweet P – ‘I Toast Myself’

Sweet P – ‘I Toast Myself’
This cover was also featured in our 50 Atrocious Hip-Hop Album Sleeves gallery, and it’s back, as it’s still terrible, and not sexy.

33
Limp Bizkit – ‘Gold Cobra’

Limp Bizkit – ‘Gold Cobra’

Limp Bizkit – ‘Gold Cobra’
There’s a guy picking his nose in the background. Just one of a list of reasons why this is so far from sexy.

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Herbie Mann – ‘Push Push’

Herbie Mann – ‘Push Push’

Herbie Mann – ‘Push Push’
Flute over the shoulder. Sexy.

35
Slunt – ‘Get A Load Of This’

Slunt – ‘Get A Load Of This’

Slunt – ‘Get A Load Of This’
Hurry up and eat it, it’s melting!

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Lords Of Acid – ‘The Crablouse’

Lords Of Acid – ‘The Crablouse’

Lords Of Acid – ‘The Crablouse’
Where’s the hand coming from? Terrifying.

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Ice T – ‘Gangsta Rap’

Ice T – ‘Gangsta Rap’

Ice T – ‘Gangsta Rap’
Knee in the balls… Enough said.

38
The 2 Live Crew – ‘As Nasty As They Wanna Be’

The 2 Live Crew – ‘As Nasty As They Wanna Be’

The 2 Live Crew – ‘As Nasty As They Wanna Be’
The album covers are, apparently, also as nasty as they wanna be.

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Spank Rock – ‘Bangers And Cash’

Spank Rock – ‘Bangers And Cash’

Spank Rock – ‘Bangers And Cash’
Fist bump. Success. Well done guys. One of the worst album covers in history.

40
Sebastian Tellier – ‘Sexuality’

Sebastian Tellier – ‘Sexuality’

Sebastian Tellier – ‘Sexuality’
Small horse? Giant woman? One thing’s for sure: not sexy.

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Hurricane – ‘Slave To The Thrill’

Hurricane – ‘Slave To The Thrill’
Woman and machine together as one in a pretty horrible piece of artwork.

42
Sex Slaves – ‘Bite My Tongue’

Sex Slaves – ‘Bite My Tongue’

Sex Slaves – ‘Bite My Tongue’
Ouch in so many ways.

43
Jane’s Addiction – ‘Nothing’s Shocking’

Jane’s Addiction – ‘Nothing’s Shocking’
Nothing’s Shocking? Really? Really?

44
Lil’ Kim – ‘Notorious Kim’

Lil’ Kim – ‘Notorious Kim’

Lil’ Kim – ‘Notorious Kim’
Lil’ Kim’s back again. Notorious for having quite awful album covers.

45
Cerrone – ‘Cerrone’s Paradise’

Cerrone – ‘Cerrone’s Paradise’

Cerrone – ‘Cerrone’s Paradise’
Fridges: not the most traditionally sexy items to drape yourself over. But…actually, no, it’s not here, either.

46
CJ and Co. – ‘Devil’s Gun’

CJ and Co. – ‘Devil’s Gun’

CJ and Co. – ‘Devil’s Gun’
Looks a bit more like ‘Scantily Clad Astronaut’s Gun’

47
Pooh Man – ‘Funky As I Wanna Be’

Pooh Man – ‘Funky As I Wanna Be’

Pooh Man – ‘Funky As I Wanna Be’
How ‘Pooh Man’ thinks it’s sexy is a mystery. Take off the sunglasses.

48
Boxer – ‘Below The Belt’

Boxer – ‘Below The Belt’

Boxer – ‘Below The Belt’
Ouch. That’s all.

49
Millie Jackson – ‘Back To The Shit’

Millie Jackson – ‘Back To The Shit’

Millie Jackson – ‘Back To The Shit’
Maybe this isn’t even meant to be sexy, but judging by the pose, it probably is. It doesn’t work.

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Guru Guru – ‘Hinten’

Guru Guru – ‘Hinten’

Guru Guru – ‘Hinten’
One bum is more than enough.

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