No one’s safe from Noel Gallagher’s caustic sense of humour. But how do you respond to a searing insult from the Oasis man? Here’s 13 artists’ shots back at Gallagher…
Kaiser Chiefs: “They play dress-up and sit on top of an apex of meaninglessness,” said Noel in 2008. “They don’t mean anything to anybody apart from their fucking ugly girlfriends.” Andrew ‘Whitey’ White responded by calling Noel a “bitter old man” in an interview with The Sun, adding: “We have no time for him. Music is an art but he doesn’t appreciate music for what it is.”
2Kaiser Chiefs (again)
Kaiser Chiefs (again): “I did drugs for 18 years,” Noel said, “and it never got so bad that I said ‘You know what, Kaiser Chiefs are brilliant.” Then-Kaisers drummer Nick Hodgson told BBC Newsbeat: “We’re definitely not offended but I do actually like it. When I was 17 and Noel was going on about Blur I was watching it, and now I’m 30 and he’s 50 and he’s talking about us, it’s brilliant.”
Ed Sheeran: “I can’t live in a world where Ed Sheeran headlines Wembley,” Noel told NME last month. “I can live in it, it’s really enjoyable,” tweeted Ed before telling the Daily Star: “I texted him because I have his number and asked him if he’d like some tickets. He wrote back, ‘You cheeky so and so. My daughter would love some’. He’s always going to be the guy who’s outspoken.”
Liam Gallagher: “I read these interviews with him and I don’t know who the guy is who’s in these interviews, he seems really cool, because the guy I’ve been in a band with for the last 18 years is a fucking knobhead,” said Noel. “I love our kid – as in the Noel that’s not in a band,” replied Liam. “But the fuckin’ geezer that’s in the band? I fucking absolutely fucking despise [him].”
Who: ‘Uptown Funk’ hitmaker and producer of – among many other things – Amy Winehouse’s ‘Back To Black’
Appears on: Everything, as producer
Gaga says: “He has a fantastic sensibility and wisdom about him when it comes to different kinds of women – women that are tough.”
Radiohead: “No matter how much you sit there twiddling, going ‘we’re all doomed,’ at the end of the day people will always want to hear you play ‘Creep.’ Get over it. I never went to fucking university. I don’t know what a paint brush is. I never went to art school,” said Noel. Yorke shot back: “I did [go to university]. It taught me to respect other artists.”
James Blunt: Gallagher said he’d never draw on his own life for songwriting inspiration as it would result in songs “more boring than James Blunt’s.” James Blunt tweeted: “For once, I agree with him.”
Muse: “When we first started going [to the Brit Awards] we were all dirt-kickers from council estates… You go in now and everybody is a careerist. I saw the drummer from Muse smoking an e-cigarette. A cigarette with a battery in. I had to say to him ‘Really? Do me a favour, either have a proper one outside or don’t have one.’ Muse drummer Dom’s response? Switching back to real ciggies.
Jay-Z: A famous one, this. “I don’t want hip-hop at Glastonbury. Jay-Z? No fucking chance,” said Noel before the rapper’s 2008 headline slot. Hova’s response was epic – he walked on stage for his headlining slot with a guitar while Gallagher’s quote played behind him. He then mimed along to ‘Wonderwall’.
Keane: Noel had this to say about the ‘Somewhere Only We Know’ trio. “Traditionally speaking, the three biggest twats in any band are the singer, the keyboardist and the drummer. I don’t need to say anything else.”
Tim Rice-Oxley responded: “We don’t really care. I think he’s a cunt to be honest. He was in a band that was brilliant in the ’90s and now they’re just not important anymore.”
Emeli Sande: “Emeli Sande? That is fucking music for grannies. I don’t get it,” said Noel in 2013, sparking a surprisingly funny retort from the singer, who tweeted an image of a granny sticking up her middle finger with the comment “Thanks Noel”.
Bloc Party: After Gallagher referred to the band as “indie shit”, Kele Okereke told Uncut: “I think Oasis are the most overrated and pernicious band of all time. They had a totally negative and dangerous impact upon the state of British music. They have made stupidity hip… Oasis are repetitive Luddites,” later describing Noel and Liam as “those inbred twins.”
Sleaford Mods: It’s not always Noel starting it though. Last year Sleaford Mods said Gallagher had “blood on his hands” for the state of UK music, labelling him “a withered victim of luxury.” Noel in turn told NME: “They’re like fucking Brown Bottle in Viz… It’s just two guys, one clearly mentally ill, who’s just shouting like Brown Bottle about fucking cider and fucking shit chicken.”