Peep Show: The Genius Of Mark, Jez And Co In 21 Brilliant Quotes

Peep Show aired its final episode last month. To mark the end of one of the finest sitcoms ever made, we revisit some of the best quotes from Mark, Jez and all the other characters from their toe-curlingly unvarnished world…

1
MARK CORRIGAN

MARK CORRIGAN

MARK CORRIGAN
“Brown for first course, white for pudding. Brown’s savoury, white’s the treat. Of course I’m the one who’s laughing, because I actually love brown toast.”
(Series one, episode two)

2
JEREMY USBORNE

JEREMY USBORNE

JEREMY USBORNE
“Clerical assistant? I can’t be a clerical assistant, I’m a musician. You wouldn’t ask The Chemical Brothers to do your laundry for you, they’d be off their tits.”
(Series one, episode two)

3
SUPER HANS

SUPER HANS

SUPER HANS
“You should drop acid at the funeral. Make it more intense. That’s what I did at my old man’s, it was fucking mental. I was crying and laughing. Didn’t know who was dead and who was alive.”
(Series five, episode four)

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4
TONI

TONI

TONI
“I had a steward eat me at the multi-faith area at Dubai airport. God, that was depressing.”
(Series one, episode three)

5
ELENA

ELENA

ELENA
“We need to be more careful. Gail’s in Mensa for God’s sakes. She reads books. For fun.”
(Series six, episode four)

6
Mark

7
SARAH CORRIGAN

SARAH CORRIGAN

SARAH CORRIGAN
“Why on earth would I want to do anything to your bottom?”
(Series three, episode three)

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8
ALAN JOHNSON

ALAN JOHNSON

ALAN JOHNSON
“Is that normal pooing you’re doing? It doesn’t sound normal, Mark. It doesn’t smell normal.”
(Series three, episode three)

9
GOG

GOG

GOG
“You remember the theme tune from Jaws? Well, I don’t want anything like that, obviously. I want something completely different. I want something that, when people hear it, they’ll immediately go ‘Yeah’.”
(Series two, episode two)

10
JEFF HEANEY

JEFF HEANEY

JEFF HEANEY
“Perhaps it would be better if you left the self-harming for the weekend, mate.”
(Series five, episode three)

11
JEZ

JEZ

JEZ
“Great, and what shall I do after I’ve pissed myself? Fuck myself? Eat myself?”
(Series four, episode six)

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12
SOPHIE CHAPMAN

SOPHIE CHAPMAN

SOPHIE CHAPMAN
“Often Mark, you ejaculate quite a long time before I’ve had time to feel like I’ve started to enjoy our sex.”
(Series four, episode five)

13
NANCY

NANCY

NANCY
“God wanted us to enjoy ourselves, that’s why he invented pills and clubs and lube and hardcore. But he also wanted us to give something back, and that’s why he created the homeless, the lepers and the oil spills.”
(Series two, episode three)

14
MARK

MARK

MARK

“Frosties are just cornflakes for people who can’t face reality.”
(Series three, episode five)

15
DARYL

DARYL

DARYL
“People like fast cars, they like women with big boobies and they don’t want the Euro. And that’s all there is to it.”
(Series two, episode two)

16
DOBBY

DOBBY

DOBBY
“Mark, you’re not trying to get away with pretending you’re a normal person are you?”
(Series five, episode two)

17
MARK

MARK

MARK
“You thought I was saying I was a mega-paedo? And your reaction was that you’d always wondered?”
(Series seven, episode one)

18
BIG SUS

BIG SUS

BIG SUS
“This is quite a weird date, Jeremy. It’s even weirder than when you took me to Laser Quest and tried to hump me in the dark.”
(Series five, episode one)

19
GERARD

GERARD

GERARD
“It may surprise you to know but the truth is, until I was 26, I’d never been with a woman.”
(Series seven, episode two)

20
BIG MAD ANDY

BIG MAD ANDY

BIG MAD ANDY
“I want you to punch me, Jez. If you don’t punch me I’ll drink this paint!”
(Series eight, episode four)

21
JEZ

JEZ
“Oh come on, she was my mum’s aunt. I only met her about twice. It’s not like she was Ian Curtis; she was never going to make a seminal album. She couldn’t even make very good Christmas cake.”
(Series five, episode four)

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