David Cameron’s Conservatives roared to a surprise majority victory in this week’s General Election (May 7), drawing to a close an election dogfight filled with plenty of The Thick Of It style blunders and moments of marvel. Because at times British politics can be so depressing only Morrissey could understand, here’s the road to the 2015 General Election results mapped out in Moz lyrics…
One of the big stories of the election was the worrying gains beer-swigging far-righters UKIP have made since last time at the polls (2010), with party leader Nigel Farage plumbing almost pantomime depths of bastardry en route to the polls. Nadirs include alleged racist remarks and declaring breastfeeding mums should "cover up" in public.
Early reports suggested a frosty relationship between PM David Cameron and London mayor Boris Johnson, who if tabloid papers are to be believed has had an eye on the PM's Tory leadership in the past. Boris threw his considerable weight behind Cameron in the end.
Oh dear, Nick Clegg. Five years ago, Britain was in the throes of Cleggmania. Half a decade on, a bruising coalition with the Tories and a tonne of broken promises later, in the run up to the vote Clegg was faced with the very real prospect that he may lose his seat in his Sheffield constituency.
July 2014 saw Cameron attempt to shake up his backbench with a surprising cabinet reshuffle that saw Michael Gove leave his post as Education Secretary for the less senior role of Government Chief Whip.
Ah Russell, you sweet and tender hooligan, you. The comedian grabbed headlines in an interview with Jeremy Paxman by urging young voters not to take part in May's election, before doing a U-turn days before the big day, telling subscribers to his YouTube channel to go Labour. Shame the voter registration had by this point been and gone.
Support for UKIP continued to grow as the election grew nearer, spouting regular and continued verbal white noise about "bladdy foreigners" to anyone and everyone, the delightful bunch.
The thing about going into an election having broken loads of promises you made last time around, notably on tuition fees, which instead of being abolished rose three-fold during his time in the Coalition, is people tend to be a bit suspect of you. Meaning Nick Clegg spent much of the campaign promising not to break any more promises.
Poor Ed. Snapped grabbing an innocuous bite, his funny face became fodder for countless newspapers, who argued "IF HE CAN'T EAT A BACON SANDWICH PROPERLY, HOW CAN HE RUN THE NATION?!"
And anyways, it's not exactly like Cameron's without his culinary quirks. Eating a hot dog with a knife and fork. A knife and fork?
Not a double decker, but Labour's pink bus, sent touring the nation to encourage women to vote, was accused of being patronising to women and widely mocked. Something of a PR car crash.
Weirdly, Miliband - or Milibae as he became known to some - was turned into a political pin-up by the #Milifandom hashtag, which spread like wildfire across Twitter in April 2015.
As the dust settles on the election, some are arguing Miliband should have been more open to a deal with the Scottish National Party, led by Nicola Sturgeon, whose popularity sky-rocketed on the back of September's narrow Indy Referendum. Instead he ruled out any kind of coalition between Labour and the SNP. Oops.
"Am I tough enough? Hell yeah I'm tough enough!" Ed memorably told Paxman in the run-up to the vote, after the presented suggested Vladamir Putin could tear him to shreds in any kind of argument over international affairs.
When asked what sort of people should be allowed to migrate to Britain, Farage said: “People who do not have HIV, to be frank. That’s a good start." What a charmer.
The vote was predicted to be close, but the Tories ended up wiping the floor with Ed Miliband's Labour party. Ed promptly stepped down from his post as party leader.
And there we have it. The Conservatives swept to a majority. Another five years under the rule of this charming man...