The Sublime Wit And Wisdom Of Jarvis Cocker

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On being asked to stand in for The Stone Roses at Glastonbury, 1995: "You'll find us in Yellow Pages actually, under bands for hire. We're the supersubs of modern music."

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4Music - Pulp - Wembley Arena

Pulp singer Jarvis Cocker on stage PA
On essential rave attire: "I had me hair in bunches. Somebody'd bought me these bobbles which were see-through teddy bears' heads with beads inside. I had a cagoule on as well. So I looked like some demented Girl Guide instructress."

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PA
On utter earnestness in sartorial matters: "I'd like to go on record as saying I've never worn anything as a joke."

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Danny North/NME
On what's definitely going to be on his tombstone: "I don't really want it engraved on me tombstone that I was the person who waggled his arse at Michael Jackson."

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Pa Photos
On trouser signposts: "Unfortunately men get erections, you see. And people have so little direction in their lives, if your cock points in a certain direction, then you follow it… you can't argue with a hard-on."

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PA
On artistic realism: "For me to write about 'Yes I saw her in the chip shop/And I said get yer top off' or something like that would be pathetic because I haven't been in a chippy for ages."

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Andy Willsher/NME
On saying no no no to rehab: "I haven't been in rehab, no. It's too expensive and I'm too mean."

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Richard Johnson/NME
On the 'knobhead' index: "I'll carry on until somebody tells me I'm a knobhead and then I'll decide whether I'm a knobhead or whether I'm still alright."

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Dean Chalkley/NME
On going to great lengths to avoid your own songs: "I'd rather suck a dog's knob than listen to one of my own records."

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Andy Willsher/NME
On living on the edge, man: "Sometimes there's a thrill to be had from doing something which isn't good for you and might, in the end, destroy you."

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Andy Willsher/NME
On class war: "I couldn't live with the middle classes. It's a stultifying, bloodless, slow-death experience."

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James Looker/ NME
On fame, fame, fatal fame: "You realise it doesn't take you into a magical land where everybody's your servant."

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James Looker/ NME
On socks: "You've either got to have no socks or long socks that reach your knee. This is going to sound very pretentious but I bought them from a shop in Rome called Schostal. It's very good. I have to buy about 20 pairs at once. They're fine cotton in all different colours."

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James Looker/ NME
On various shades of pop music: "I like pop music but then I wish that it would try harder with what it talks about. It doesn't have to be dark but life is dark, isn't it? Let's face it."

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On Scott Walker abuse: "I remember seeing some people sniffing cocaine off the cover of 'Scott 4' and thinking, 'That's my favourite record and that just doesn't seem right.'"

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Richard Johnson/NME
On skinny sex: "I once went out with a very thin woman. It just didn't work. Just this jarring of bones like two skeletons wrestling in the dark. I prefer a nice full-figured partner to tuck into."

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Dean Chalkley/ NME
On the usefulness of making a racket: "Noise is an easy thing to hide behind. If you make a lot of noise and shout behind that, nobody can tell what you're singing."

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Andy Willsher/NME
On the perils of taking pop stars at face value: "People who make good music aren't necessarily nice people."

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Guy Eppel/ NME
On actual misfits: "Misfits should coagulate, or congregate, and take over the world, with us at the helm."

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PA
On shadowy sex: "Sex is always a bit shadowy, isn't it? When it's done properly, anyway."

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Danny North/NME
On optimum drug-taking periods: "During your 20s you've done quite a lot, so in order to make them interesting again you might as well have drugs 'cos your brain's formed, you can squish it about a bit and you've got more chance of not going mad."

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On life ending in pain and degradation: "You can have the same circumstances and it's a question of the colour of your mind. My mind takes the morbid tack. That's not so bad 'cos ultimately you accept that life ends in pain and degradation."

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Andy Willsher/NME
On how awful you are: "If they pulled this whole place down it would still look much better than you" ('Bar Italia')

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Andrew Whitton/NME
On pithy Wet Wet Wet fans: "I got a letter addressed to me just the other day from this irate Wet Wet Wet fan, the first line of which was 'Dear Bastard'. Which I thought was a great opener."

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Andrew Whitton/NME
On turning 30: "I sat in Steve's house on me own and drank some whisky and smoked some fags and watched Tango And Cash on't telly which was crap, but I really enjoyed meself."

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On not really being the fount of all knowledge: "Oh, I don't know the answer to anything, I'm just a silly pop star."
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