Album Review: Cheryl Cole - Messy Little Raindrops (Polydor)
Unsurprisingly, we're not mad for Chezza's manufactured conveyor-belt-drivel
It took only a tonne of mascara, a slagheap of fake tan and a few teatime telly tears to make the docile British nation forget about that notorious nightclub attack. Sadly for the newly ex-Mrs Cole, musical life outside the slick pop factory that was [b]Girls Aloud[/b] is bleak. Synthesizers that make [a]La Roux[/a] sound organic and vocals so processed they might as well have been squeezed from a tube do nothing to hide the fact that ‘[b]Promise This[/b]’ delivers little, ‘[b]Raindrops[/b]’ is shrieked horror and stool ballad ‘[b]The Flood[/b]’ is, well, a flood of stool. In a time when the likes of [a]Janelle Monae[/a] are creating brilliant futuristic pop, it’s surely time to send Cole back to Newcastle.