It wouldn't be so bad if his voice didn't bring to mind [B]Eddie Vedder[/B] being fisted in jail..

This really is as bad as it gets. Massachusetts metallers [a]Staind[/a] were ‘discovered’ by [a]Limp Bizkit[/a] frontman Fred Durst, were promptly signed up and have now shifted 800,000 copies of ‘Dysfunction’ in the States. We can’t let it happen here.

Predictably, [a]Staind[/a]’s sales figures say more for Durst‘s business acumen than his talent-spotting because so weak and worthless is this debut album that it’s hard to see how even Bizkit fans will get excited.

Everything about this is just too second-hand and contrived to be true. From the scary clown on the cover (hello, Slipknot), to the self-pitying Korn-U-Like lyrics of frontman Aaron Lewis, [a]Staind[/a]’s debut is bottom-of-the-barrel sports metal. The music’s a half-arsed blend of chugga-chugga riffery and direly tuneless second-hand Stone Temple Pilots melodia which, when blended with Lewis‘ hideous poetry, makes for a truly sickening journey straight to the land of dogshit.

“Look at me – I’m so pathetic”, he wails on ‘Me’, an hilariously self-absorbed ode to unhappy families. It wouldn’t be so bad if his voice didn’t bring to mind Eddie Vedder being fisted in jail – a country twang of breathy (in)sincerity and embarrassing ball-clenching angst.

“Such a cancer on the face of everything that’s beautiful”, is how Lewis describes his situation on the half-inspired ‘Just Go’. Couldn’t have put it better myself.