Sean Paul at Glastonbury sounded like it might be fun but kinda sucked

Score

Ah, the John Peel Tent, Glastonbury’s breeding ground for future headliners. A big, blue canopy within which to catch rising stars of the music world in honour of the beloved broadcaster who posthumously gave it his name.

Except, this year, one of the headliners was announced last week as Sean Paul. Yeah, that Sean Paul. Seany Paul. The toasting gun-for hire on pop hits. Guy who did that good album back in 2002. Here’s what we made of it.

Read more: Does Rock ‘n’ Roll Kill Braincells?! Sean Paul

He plays a tiny bit of his best songs and all of the rubbish songs

Also known as The Eminem Trick, this is the popular practice of teasing your audience with a couple of verses of great hits (‘Breathe’, ‘Like Glue’, ‘Gimme The Light’) before spinning said track off into oblivion, while working through more recent and not-really-as-good material in its entirety.

You might think that Anne Marie would show up to to ‘Rockabye’ but she doesn’t

You remember ‘Rockabye’ – it’s the Christmas Number One we deserved until Britain got even worse and we decided we like songs about sausage rolls made by bellwazzles from YouTube. ‘Rockabye’ was a huge hit in December 2016 for Paul, Clean Bandit and Anne Marie, sending out the miserable Brexit year in the manner it deserved with a not-festive track about single parenthood and systemic poverty dressed up as X-Factor fodder. Anne Marie played Glastonbury this afternoon. Did she hang around to perform her smash with her collaborator? Nah. Nah she didn’t.

That one album was really good, though

The aforementioned 2002 album, ‘Dutty Rock’, was really Sean Paul’s ‘Thriller’, an album of unimpeachably good and – at the time – exciting dancehall pop. So ‘Gimme The Light’ was still good even if he only played ‘Gimme The Light’-lite.

He played a new song

It was fine.

He’s not very 2019

Most of Sean Paul’s stage chat concerns his “respect for ladies”, which is then often qualified as “sexy ladies”. Taxi!

But his fashion sense is very 2019

Loud shirt – the Glasto 2019 male uniform. Confusing world, isn’t it.

He ended on ‘Temperature’

Which is a decent tune from 2005, which is, at least, three years more recent than ‘Dutty Rock’.