Album Review: Cheryl Cole – Messy Little Raindrops (Polydor)

Unsurprisingly, we're not mad for Chezza's manufactured conveyor-belt-drivel

It took only a tonne of mascara, a slagheap of fake tan and a few teatime telly tears to make the docile British nation forget about that notorious nightclub attack. Sadly for the newly ex-Mrs Cole, musical life outside the slick pop factory that was Girls Aloud is bleak. Synthesizers that make [a]La Roux[/a] sound organic and vocals so processed they might as well have been squeezed from a tube do nothing to hide the fact that ‘Promise This’ delivers little, ‘Raindrops’ is shrieked horror and stool ballad ‘The Flood’ is, well, a flood of stool. In a time when the likes of [a]Janelle Monae[/a] are creating brilliant futuristic pop, it’s surely time to send Cole back to Newcastle.

Luke Turner

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