OK, [I]Friends[/I]: razor sharp script, dead funny and all that, but deep down it sucks, right? Why?

Well, for a start, whenever Ross bangs on about dinosaurs the rest of the cast make jokes about how boring he is. No way! Dinosaurs are both ace and infinitely interesting. And then there’s that episode where Rachel persuades a lass to shave her gurly hair so that Ross won’t find her attractive any more.

Duh, that’s so [I]straight[/I]! Total ‘comedy-of-conformity’ bullshit. And then there’s that excruciatingly embarrassing scene where our chums get terrifically excited when they score tickets for a – wait for it! – [I]Hootie And The Blowfish concert!!!![/I] The bastards are actually as ridiculously, tastelessly square as the hero of [I]American Psycho[/I] – except that in [I]Friends[/I] this squareness is presented without any irony whatsoever. Uh, so why are we talking about [I]Friends[/I] rather than the Barenaked Ladies, dude? Because they are SO FUCKING BORING! OK, here’s some track titles – ‘Too Little Too Late’, ‘Never Do Anything’, ‘Pinch Me’ – and, guess what, THEY ALL FUCKING SUCK! Not just Weller, Ashcroft or Belle & Sebastian sucky but Mike & The Mechanics, Tin Machine and, yes, Hootie And The Blowfish sucky.

So how does ‘Maroon’ compare to previous BNL albums? Who knows? Who cares? Nobody with a smidgen of soul has EVER listened to one all the way through and this poor bastard hopes he never has to ever again. EVER!

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