Hold fire, Commandant! Untie Gomez and back to the cells with them! Send news to The Montrose Avenue and Arnold that their temporary reprieve has been granted! Their death penalties for Aggravated Old And Boringness Before Their Time still stand, but we’ve just captured some far more heinous offenders who must be silenced forthwith!
Radio Sweethearts live in Glasgow, but every bus ride to the boozer is, in their heads, a trek across an unforgiving desert waste of Texas with only an unconsenting mule for company. They feature BMX Bandits’ Francis MacDonald on drums, not so much crushed by Kylie these days as roughed-up by Dolly. Worse still, every song (called things like ‘Is Anybody Going To San Antone’, ‘I Saw The Light’ and ‘I Been To Georgia On A Fast Train’, rather than ‘Is Anybody Going To The Offie?’ and ‘I Saw That Bloke From Mogwai’) is a fiddly-dee, grab-your-partner hoedown complete with nasal Texan twang from singer John Miller and the nauseating tap of crocodile shoe on fake straw.
Their final request, you imagine, would be a pot of beans, a crate of Buckfast and some time alone with their dawg. DENIED! ACKACKACKACKACK!